You are not being dramatic. If he wants you, he is going to have to figure some things out, and he needs porfesional help to do it. In the meantime, I think you need to get out. I don't say that lightly.
Gets my vote too.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I agree. Is there someone you can talk to about this? Some one you can depend on for help? A brother/sister, close friend? There are plenty of people on this board that would help if they could. I know I would. I have friends in OH. Let us know what you can do.
No one should ever feel trapped. No one should ever feel afraid in an R like you do. If you do then it is not a healthy R. Your H needs HELP and sometimes the thought of losing a loved one is enough.
Was he always like this? Why did you fall in love in the first place?
We are all here for you. Lets us know how we can help.
You CAN NOT continue living like this. He has no respect for you or himself. You can help him see that.
You need to start putting a plan together. Find someone close that you can depend on to help you through this. Hopefully, with some WORK you can have your OLD H back. He needs to chose this not you though.
Also, I just wanted to say this as hopefully it will make you even more resolved to get out of there more quickly...
If your H is taking pics of strange women on the beach unbeknownst to them, then he is also capable of taking inappropriate pics of your kids' friends or girlfriends when they come to your house. If that isn't enough to scare you in itself, then also imagine if this does happen and it gets back to the girl herself, and then you and your H will have to deal with the parents of this girl.
In a case like your H, I doubt that a girl being underage will deter him from attempting to do something like this.
Please, I'm not trying to fluff up a scary scene just to get your attention...I'm actually also trying to help you realize you need to protect your kids and their friends. It is not only you that needs protection from him.
DQ - Good point. You dont want to see your H on dateline.
I would start making plans for a temp S. He doesnt need to know that it is temp. Hopefully, you will shake up his world enough of the thought of losing you and the family. I know it has worked for the rest of us on this board If not then he's not worth it anyway. If he is too selfish to care then you will have your answer.
Regardless, get help soon. I will keep u in my prayers. I will pray that you find the strength to do what is right.
OK, I've been thinking all night. Everybody's concerns have really hit me, and thank you all so much.
I'm calling my IC to get the next available appointment to discuss a plan for extricating myself from the situation. I work as a paralegal at a law firm and one of the guys here does domestic work, so I'm checking with him to make sure I don't do anything to shoot myself in the foot while leaving should things head to a divorce. My thoughts are to leave around Sept. 1. S18 leaves for college on Aug. 19, so I'll get him squared away first, then me and D. My cousin is available should I need some muscle for moving, he knows I'm having marriage problems. If I'm go with Sept., I should probably check the calendar to make sure the Browns aren't playing that day if I want him to help!
He was a really nice and sweet guy when we met, and he still is a really nice guy to his friends and family. He would do anything for them. But he changed radically towards me over the years- he developed a hard edge after working at Big Corp. for several years as an IT guy. He tried management and had a really bad experience, and went back to the tech side. He had a resulting MLC about 10 yrs ago- things weren't going well at work, he was building up resentments about our M which I was unaware of, and he dropped a bomb on me about wanting a D. (I bet that sounds familiar to a lot of people!) He was totally unrealistic when he announced it- I was a SAHM, no income, and he just wanted me to up and leave him, the kids and the house. And make sure I didn't take anything because he paid for it all. I didn't leave, but insisted on counseling (was totally ineffective), the whole swinging mess started and I was a wreck emotionally. Things have never really been quite right ever since.
Spy - it sounds to me like he is STILL in the middle of an MLC and isn't really getting any better. I'm so happy for your decision to separate for now!!! Good job.
If not then he's not worth it anyway. If he is too selfish to care then you will have your answer.