Aww.. nothing like show tunes to guide one through life! Lots of truth amidst song and dance.
You're the type of guy that makes me want to kiss the booboo, shake the pompoms and whack that thick skull of yours simultaneously.
The question of alimony? From my experience, accept nothing less than what is allowed by law. There are no guarantees of future employment, you will have the kids the majority of the time, and while trying to maintain the family home (purchased based on a substantially higher income) you'll slide steadily deeper in debt. The standard splits were not set up to 'go for the jugular', that's her frenzied perception, her chain to rattle.
In the marriage I trusted my spouse to have my best interests in mind, as I had for him. In the divorce process he only cared how it effected him. The substantial change of lifestyle for the kids didn't matter. It was all about him, "HIS" money.
This is Ms. Darkly's phobia, a consequence of her actions. Do NOT take a dime less that what is considered fair and equitable. Do you know why, Dark Smiles? She's not looking out for you. And alimony is severance pay. In Connecticut they do an 'unallocated alimony and child support' which seems to make the pill a little easier to swallow. Here.. fair and equitable for my ex's income bracket was 40% of his gross income in unallocated child support/alimony. When our youngest (the only one who qualifies for child support) is 21, the support will be reviewed at which time I'll probably be eligible for 30% of his income as alimony. As an aside, he does not give the two older boys anything, birthday presents included/cards.
Anyway.. negotiating the alimony (severance pay) is the reason why God created lawyers. This is a hot button for your wife. I mean really. Instead of always abetting her perception, how about this one:
"Honey, how can I go for the jugular when you've cut me off at the knees?"
Giving yourself space... Hellzapoppin'. Not replying to every email/text.. Wicked. Having a spouse free day... Fantastik(s)! Learning from all this... Kismet..
How about a lil Holly Golightly?
*hugs*
Financial affidavits will solve that problem.. a must in every divorce. You get to itemize all your spending (the more the better, usually) for the kids, yourself and household expenses. The lawyers and judge look at both (yours and your wife's) to determine what's fair.
It's down to brass tacks. Get the basic info from all fixed expenses, monthly, etc and see what really happens. It's amazing! Each company (electrical, cable, etc,) can usually give you a year or two's worth of info with each month's costs. If she doesn't give you the facts, you get them yourself. And Quicken is a great way of downloading all the financial info from all your bank accounts, credit cards and categorizing your spending. Nifty tool.
