I can't take this not knowing anymore. I feel like for my own sake, both physically & mentally, I don't know how much longer I can do this. I thought I was a strong person, but I'm learning that maybe I'm not as strong as I thought I was. I love H unconditionally, but maybe it's best to just let him go, let everything run it's course & if we work out later, we work out later. I can't deal with being in the middle anymore. I can't be a good mother this way, I can't focus on my job like I need to right now and my spirit is being crushed. Not trying to have a pity party, but trying to realistically think about how I can remove myself from a damaging situation.
Sorry...
Sorry for ....?
It's okay to have small pity parties....
Just as long as they don't turn into slumber parties.
What you are feeling is very normal for where you are, it is why it is so important for you to just live your life for you.
What you describe above, is what true detachment really is. It is the letting go and just live your life the best you can for you and your children.
You can't live when you are intertwined so completely around what used to be. Focusing on what he thinks or does, and how it will affect him.
This time is about him right now, and you can have that too....You really can do the things that you always wanted to do. Find out who you are, and what you really like instead of what you settled on liking.
But you can't do that when you are stuck. To get unstuck, you need to find a way to move forward through the mess and emerge stronger for you, in a different way. Feel all the things that you are feeling, deal with them as they come to you. But you have to feel them, then own them , then discard them....
Keep the ones that get you through one more day, and get rid of the rest....
Once one makes this decision to stand, and understands what it means to do that, then the truly hard work starts.
That means daily hard looks at ourselves and making the adjustments that WE need to make.
As DB'ers, we are a different breed of people that have established that we will NOT accept society setting what is right or wrong for us, and that our vows ACTUALLY FREAKIN MEANT SOMETHING TO US ....
Strange concept, I know..
As time goes by, you will find yourself a beacon of strength for many that you will never know personally. Because you have been someone else's lighthouse, shining through the darkness....
The true test of character is when we are up against it.....
Once one knows....they can never NOT know again....
