That is exactly the words my H said, and I believe that was when he stopped pursuing!
Sweetie, you are still talking as if this is the girl you M. It isn't. You have to save your sanity and try your best to....well, almost see her as having a mental problem. No...no, I'm not making any excuses for HER. I'm trying to help YOU. But, I did not feel as if I were in my right mind, so that's what I'm saying about her. Her brain is so flooded with those false "in-love" feelings for the OM that she cannot think rationally.
I am very concerned about your children. She is going to protect her name as their "mother" and so she'll do her best to make herself sound good. You are opperating out of emotions (as well as her) and the two of you together are going to do a number on those kids....trying to outdo each other! Sweetie, those children can't handle that kind of emotional mountain right now. Their mother is leaving them! That's all they see and all they are going to hear. I am not sure they will even "care" whose fault is what...at this point. They see their family falling apart and are scared to death.
They will need to be told in baby-steps and at different times down the road about what is going on. The youngest one may be too young to understand any of this "adult" stuff, I don't know. All they need to know at the moment is that Mother is going to stay at a different place but that she WILL continue to see them. It won't help their feelings that much....but you have to give them some type of explanation.
You will need to hold them close and try to think about them and give them lots of love and as much assurance as possible. If ever a time to put your personal feelings on the back burner and put the children's first....it's now.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I completely understand Sandi. I know this is not my wife that I am dealing with. It is still extremely frustrating and I am doing my best to understand that. I totallly understand she is looking at the world in a foggy pair of rose colored glasses..
I am doing my best to take care of the kids as best I can, and believe me, I am not trying to outdo her with them. I am however, not going to lie to them, I will be honest and truthful as much as I can without tearing them up. It is upsetting. I am taking it slow with them, but I am not going to lie to them. I am doing my best for them as much as I possibly can under the circumstances.
I am doing my best for them as much as I possibly can under the circumstances.
I know you are. Just be careful that you don't tell them too much about there mother. I don't know if they could really handle hearing about OM at the same time their mother is leaving. No, don't lie to them. Never lie to them, but don't feel that you must reveal everything at one time.
Have they met him or have any idea that he's in the picture? If so........wow. Poor babies.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Mornings are tough. Nights are lonely, but mornings are tough. I hate leaving. The house with the kids there and not mom yet. If I could quit work now and make it, I would in a second for those two.
I. Heard a moment of clarity on a phonecall. W admitted to not having been there for the kids lately, if nothing else were to change I was glad to hear that finally.
Shocked, I hear you on the mornings man. They are by far the hardest. For me the afternoons are the second worst. Those are the times I used to call the wife from work to say hi. Can't do that anymore. Nights at least I can be home and alone there. Seems a lot easier. Not sure why the mornings are so hard though. I feel you there though. RTQ
Me 34 WAW 34 S 3 D 1 Marr. 7 Tog. 8 Bomb 04/11/2009 Left 04/13/2009
Well I'd like to say normally I'm an optimist, but I think a lot of the reason mornings have been so hard on me is that I wake up knowing it's not going to be a good day.
Well, W made a new step tonight. A couple actually. She put a deposit down on a rental. I was a little upset at her not talking to me first, but I guess it should have been expected at this point. Second was to send the kids a goodnight text. This was a first. Guess I shouldn't hold my breath waiting for one to me.
