K4D Rising #4

[The Wifey]

It appears I will be quite blessed tonight to attend our NE standers mtg in NY (which I fairly infrequently get to go to cuz of my work schedule requiring me to take time to make the long drive ..oh but it is soooo worth it)
Ted

Where? What is the group called? I want to Google it.

[CityGirl]

It just seems to me you are locked so tightly in your own mindset and "your way" that you are really missing out on some opportunities that can really help you.

Talk to your priest all you like, attend church daily... faith of any kind is important. But it seems to me you are relying on your faith and God to restore things as long as you believe. And belief is good, hope is good... what would life be if we didnt have it? Honestly though praying is easy because nobody "talks back" to you. Its all your own thoughts.

You seem to think we are pointing out your past mistakes when in fact we are pointing out your past patterns. When things get tough you run. Things got touch so you ran to Florida. Your C'ing was going to force you to do some work and examine yourself so you dropped that. AA wasnt right for you because you dont think you have a drinking problem.

People have drinking problems because they are looking for an escape. While drinking may no longer tempt you, the need to escape for you is still very present.

I just dont see why you wont even visit the idea of incorporating some type of solution based C'ing in with the spiritual C'ing you are getting from your church. IMO that would be win-win for you.

When the going gets tough you bolt. And that means there is something inside yourself you cant face. Rebuilding your faith and the R with the church you feel most comfortable in is important but so is finding solutions to your destructive patterns and I am not so sure the church is the place to go for that.

You assumed w/o even asking that your C'ing wouldnt understand or support your need to have spiritual C'ing along w/his counseling. Did you ask him his thoughts on the matter or did you just judge and assume?

You are very judgemental - the job you got wasnt good enough, it was boring and now what you had in mind but a few weeks later you were saying you could not keep up. You judged your C based on his age. You judged AA because it wasnt filled with the kind of people you thought it would be. You never attempted any of the suggestions we made. So, no, its not about pointing out your mistakes its about pointing out patterns.

Priests rely on the spiritual side to rebuild you but honestly they do not have the training to offer you the tools for solution based therapy.

And I must say I am stunned you are still on medication and not seeing a psych./C of any kind. Again, its the quick fix mantra.

Stand for your marriage all you want but while you are doing that you need to be fixing you and you are not doing that. You jump from thing to thing without giving it a chance. I mean, a few weeks ago you were talking about meeting women more than once and now you are a stander. Yes, we are all on an emotional roller coaster but yours should be a bit more even by now.

I urge you to combine whatever spiritual C'ing you are getting with some sort of solution based therapy. There really is nothing more to say.

[The Wifey]

Okay, Kevin - I managed to get caught up with the many pages of posts. I will keep it simple and just put some bullets that are easy to follow:

* You are happy with the way things are going except that your wife isn't with you.

* You stopped AA and C that YOU NEED (in addition to your spiritual growth)

* You are losing the benefits of self-reflection and growth that both would gain you

* Without the self-reflection and growth your wife will not give you a chance

* You are guaranteeing yourself a D and may as well file yourself, right now

* If you don't want a D you will find an AA meeting and C you are more comfortable with

* You will understand that you can anticipate the 2x4's because you know you are doing something wrong

* You can fight FOR your marriage by doing the hard work and taking it like a man

* Stop fighting everyone and insisting on doing things your way

* Your way got you where you are and I want better for you

I really want better for you!

[K4D]

How do you find an AA meeting that is not full of excons? Something that has corporate people in it?

Kevin

[The Wifey]

Shop around. I am from a fairly rural area, and there are 18 AA meeting places in our county.

Also, don't be so picky. Who knows how your faith might help an ex-con?

BTW- You are going to be uncomfortable at any meeting the first time.

[GoBison]

Kevin,

I have never posted to you before but have read most of your Sitch. Which was good for me because now I know what not to do. Going to church and reconnecting with your Religion is excellent. I have been a practicing Catholic my whole life. But God does not do the work for you. You can go and pray all day long and if that is the only thing you do it will not work. God gives us the tools and the guidance to do what we need to do but we still need to do the work. Come on man you really need to man up.

I rarely post to anyone else on here because I am still new and don't want to give wrong advice but I do know that your W will not see you in any good light if you continue to do what you are doing. Get back to counseling to control your emotions and find stability. Get back to AA so that you have some more direction in your life. At least going to AA will give you something to do. Talk to a Priest about things good. Be good to your kids and enjoy the time you have with them. When they are gone don't concentrate on them not being around work on things that you can do and what you have control at that time.

[CityGirl]

Again - living in your box. The meeting is for YOU and you seem to be so worried about the image of the other people. Are you any better than them because you have never committed a felony? Are corp. people somehow more acceptable to be around in AA?

Did you ever stop to think you could learn something from an ex con? This is the problem in society - people make mistakes and when they try and turn their life around they are judged by people like you. They served their time and now they are out to rectify their passed mistakes but somehow you just cant see the good in that. All you see is an ex con. Maybe all the ex cons see in you is somebody that bolted, cant stick to anything and judges people based on their past. Ever think of that?

Addictions dont just happen to losers and ex cons - addictions can happen to ANYBODY.

I really cant believe you asked that. What if we said to you... do you know of a divorce busting message board that doesnt have somebody that is needy and refuses to take any solid and stable advice and that can at least give *something* a chance? How would you feel?

I hope you talk to your priest about your judgement issues because no matter what the situation, even if in your own subtle way, you find a way to judge anything that may help you.

Had my dad gone to AA maybe he would not have died at the age of 58. Maybe he would have found some strength and direction... but he was too weak, too scared and it wasnt for him because he wasnt like "those people". Look how far that got him. Now me and my sister are w/o a father for the rest of our lives and I can assure you the death he died was a slow and painful one because I watched it. Watching your own dad take his last breath because he REFUSED to get help or even try and help himself or take help that was offered to him for TEN years isnt something I wish on anybody.

You are no better than an ex con and neither am I. Instead of viewing an ex con as a negative, shine some positive on what they are trying to do - get help and turn their lives around. What a damn concept, no?

[K4D]

Didn't 25 say that she tried to find a group that was more in line with her circumstances and the type of people she associated with?

Kevin

[K4D]

I am going to pick up "Codependent No More" on CD tonight and start listening to it. I find it easier to sit back and listen to audio books than to read. When I read, my mind starts to waunder through the words.

Kevin

[K4D]

I see "Blue Like Jazz" is on CD also. Nice.

Kevin