Sandi, On patrol in NY, you have to have a certain outlook, a certain way of thinking, and attitude. It is not one for the W.
Orich, regardless of your own feelings on your self esteem, understand that as a NY cop, you are a badass of incredible strength and deserving of a TON of respect. My opinion, but I'm sure its shared by anyone who thinks about what NY cops do day in and day out.
You may have a low opinion of yourself, but plenty of others who have never met you do not. I hope that helps.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
It does help, thanks. I feel almost like a different person at work than at home. I don't want W to experience the person I have to be at work. I'm not a jerk or anything, don't get me wrong. I am very compassionate. But when I have to be, I can be very forceful. If someone treated me at work the way W sometimes treats me right now, I wouldn't stand for it. But I am not in love with the average citizen. It's a wierd thing.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
I have all the respect in the world for you. Your job is very dangerous and requires great courage. You shouldn't have a low self esteem at all. Plus you have great faith and that is only a bonus to you. You want to do what is right and you strive to. Your career reflects that and your passiveness with your W reflects that. She is a fool to want to leave you. Why would she want to be in a relationship where someone always argues with her and treats her harshly.
Ok, I am with you on the organizing thing. My W always handled that to because she was better at it than me. So it just requires a skill to be learned to help out. Its one I have to do also.
Don't doubt yourself. A lot of people think highly of you. But you have to think the same way about yourself for your W to see it. Keep praying and try and rebuild your confidence in yourself. You have confidence in your line of duty. Bring some over to the M.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Thanks Kevin. She has gone back to kinda avoiding me. She isn't talking down to me or anything, but she isn't really talking to me unless she has to. Also, still no word on whether or not she called Retro for her interview part.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Just venting here, So bear with me... Sometimes I wonder what it is I am fighting for. This woman is not my wife, at least she isn't the same person. When all is said and done, if DB is successful, who will W be? Her old loving self? The giving, loving, self sacrificing woman I fell in love with? Or this cold, indifferent woman I am living with now? Will she thaw? Do I have to fall in love again with a new version of W? Sorry, I just needed to put this out there. I went to meet my sister at a shopping mall for lunch, and all I saw were couples walking hand in hand or sitting together at a booth in the restaurant sharing French fries. I know I am hyper-sensitive to this kind of thing, but it is upsetting. Sometimes I wonder if I should cut my losses and move on. Then I remember my vows and my family. And then I say a prayer for strength and perseverance. I am a happy person by nature, and am trying desperately through DB to be that happy person again. Ok, enough ranting. Thanks for reading.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
How were you when you two first dating? What were you like? Were you the real masculine type of guy or how you are now? Maybe you need to act a little of how you were before.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Well, that's it. Just spoke to W. She is not going to Retro. She has now told her whole family. They are supporting her moving on. She is going to contact a mediator. She wrote me a letter that she is going to send me tomorrow. That's it. She is done. Everytime I had some hope, including when she initially agreed to retro, she only did because she felt bad for me. She never had anything in her heart other than to leave. Needless to say, I am beyond devastated. I didn't know what to say while she was telling me this stuff, so I just stayed pretty quiet. I really don't know what to do. There was never any hope. She told me she is happy whenever I am not around, and when I am, she is unhappy. It's really over. 12 years of my life with my beautiful bride are gone behind me. I've lost her. Fellow DBers, please help me through this.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
I'm sorry she has made this decision. And I guess at this point you have no choice but to accept it. But that doesn't mean it really is over. She has shown some indecision. This is not necessarily the last time she will change her mind. I think what Smiley's Person says is true, you have to accept that you are already dead, and go from there. Start working on the mediation, don't just cave in to her demands, get the best deal you can for yourself, and then wait and see what happens. There are a lot of twists and turns in the road, and plenty of WASs find out the single life isn't really what they wanted. But you have to give it time.
