H wants a D so we can date...each other! WTF??!

[Trixi]

Last night he again said that he thought he might want a divorce so that he could have 'closure' and so we could (possibly) rebuild our relationship. He feels "terrible" for how he is treating me. He is open to having the counselor help us, but not hopeful.

I understand that he doesn't know how to turn the corner and actually work on the relationship and that for him, a divorce would signify an official end so that we could have an official start. BUT, as I told him last night, the marriage/commitment might not mean much to him, but it means a lot to me and he is under-estimating the impact it would have on me. (He seems to think we would just be friends thru this whole thing.)

I said I thought he was being naive to think that we would be chummy if we got divorced and I said "What- do you think that we're going to call each other up and talk about our "boy" and "girl" problems?! No thanks!" and he was like "Well, yeah, eventually; or we would just be together."

He said he didn't want to continue 'like this' because he is afraid I will eventually hate him and he doesn't want it to come to that because "then there would be no going back". (ie, I wouldn't love him anymore and reconciliation would no longer be an option.) I said "And you think a divorce wouldn't fast track that?"

I could tell he was lobbying for me to agree that divorce is the best solution. I said that I thought divorce was the exact opposite of a solution. That I saw it as running away, the 'un'solution.

I said "This is like you saying "I want to fix up the 68 Mustang" and then instead of just fixing it up, you go out and total it first. You are making WAY more work for yourself and possibly damaging it beyond repair" That seemed to give him pause. But ultimately, I am sure it won't give him enough pause.

I said that I can't stop him from getting a divorce, but I'm not going to agree it is the best solution ("Oh sure, put it all on *my* shoulders").

He asked me several times what MY solution was and I said that MY solution was for HIM to pull his head out of his arse and get in the game and quit doing penny ante. He laughed at that.

Anyway, I said that I was mad that he was ruining my camping trip and he said "no, we're GOING on that trip. We've been fixing up the trailer, we have plans, we are going. Period. In the meantime, we're not going to make any decisions either way. We'll go to Counselor and work on getting things 'out'. Who knows what will happen after the trip." (The trip is the last week of August.)

He is very keen on me buying the house I am in. So my landlord happened to stop by last night and we all 3 talked about my purchasing it....didn't reach any conclusions, but we're one step closer.

I dunno. Sunday is our 12 year anniversary. He said over and over that we aren't "really married anyway". I guess I should just give up and make it easy...? Even *I* (who KNOWS there has to be another way besides divorce) am starting to feel like there is no other solution....