I want my Monkey and Sheep Back

[beepee]

So an amazing thing happened. Well, not so amazing but to me it was! When I was talking to my IC, she told me to think about positive things about myself rather than thinking about my H in order to reduce my vivid and troubling dreams about him. So last night, I went to bed and tried to think about all the positives about myself but I couldn't keep it up and kept thinking about him. So instead of forcing myself to think about something positive about myself, and thinking about the H, I instead thought about moving to Boston and into the apartment that I'm longing to live in and the life that I would have when that day came and this morning when I woke up, my stomach wasn't in bits, there was no anxiety, there was no feeling of emptiness. Why? Because for the VERY FIRST TIME since H left, I had a dream about ME.

I dreamt about living in the apartment I wanted with the new roommate that I'm supposed to be living with, and how much fun we'd have in the apartment together! And going out to meet my friends and having just a spectacular view of the city from my apartment with its massive bay windows! I woke up feeling so refreshed, smiling about my first positive dream. But sadly it didn't last because when I woke up, I laid in bed for awhile and the negative thought about H came back and then, of course, the anxiety came back worse than ever.

Well, I know what to do now, I obviously need to get straight out of bed when i wake up and not wallow in the negatives of the past. My dream was about the future and the amazing times to come, it's not going to be a dream any longer. I'm going to make it happen very soon, I will do everything in power to get there, BLOOD, SWEAT AND TEARS!