Hello Kittyfish & Sandi2!

[BigJohn]

BJ, I respect your feelings regarding the ordeal with your W. I sure can understand why you would want to bust that little party up in August. Now, you know that you "can" bust the A. And Puppy encouages that LBS do that. It doesn't, however, always bust the divorce. Some have tried that and it doesn't have the desired results and doesn't neccessarily end the A. It is more of an "exposure". If you showed up there unannounced in August, you could probably put a big damper on things. But would it draw your W back to the M or push her futher away? That is the missing piece right there. And....would you want to take that risk? Are you at that place now?

Sandi,

These are all great questions...and I realize that crashing the August vacation might not have the desired result. When I spontaneously reacted the other day by telling my W that I might be going, her reaction was mild disgust followed by a "whatever". I can't say right now if it would push her further away or not- it's hard to gauge right now along with the degree of risk. I do know that if her EA escalates to a PA things will definitely get worse in our sitch, at least for the forseeable future.

You know your wife better than another soul. Based on how she has been acting toward you, with the family, around the home activities, etc.......do you ever get the impression that she wants to see you arrive on the scene as her knight in shinning armour who has come to fight for the M? There have been the very few exception of W's who said that is what they wanted to see the LBH do. I was not that way. I was sooo turned off to my H that there is no way I would have wanted that to happen. But I don't know your wife. All I can judge is by what you tell me. What do you think?

Another great question. I'm just not sure, she seems so dedicated to a R with OM and not "losing him" while not seeming to show a lot of interest in me... although she did make some comments to me earlier tonight while I was reading "Walk Out Woman"- she first asked "Are you reading that to avoid being a WAW?" (No) then "Did you get that for me to read?" (No, I bought it for myself, but you are welcome to read it when I'm done.") "Oh".

There is a part of me that intuitively feels as if I should do some A busting in August. As a man, I find myself asking the rhetorical question- what loving H WOULDN'T attempt to interfere or potentially stop a possible sexual liaison between his W and OM, particularly if he felt strongly beforehand of the possibility of it happening?

I can appreciate the DB concept of not pursuing, and the fact that my W as a WAW does NOT want me to interfere, hates me right now, can't stand me, etc.. On the other hand, my W is aware of my concern about her having intimate contact with OM in August but... I don't know for certain if SHE is 100% certain what my reaction is going to be. At the beginning of the EA, my W could be certain that I would predictably take measures to stop her from a PA but now I don't think she is 100% certain of anything I may or may not do. I do wonder whether- despite her WAW condition- my NOT reacting predictably to the vacation in August might actually do some harm in my R with my W. I can't help but feel that somewhere in her scrambled brains there must still be an expectation to be "protected" by her H and/or "fought for". And if that is the case, won't my failure to react as expected reinforce feelings (if there are any of these type of feelings within my W) that I don't love her and/or I really am no longer her H? Your thoughts on what to look for to see if my W may be looking for me to be the Knight trying to save the M?