Absolutely. W and I are now finally going through therapy to repair our M. The very first session, W's lack of trust for me came up. I can already see that the majority of our work will be for us to rebuild this trust... Even so, I am sure there will always be lingering doubts in her mind no matter how much we can repair the trust.
Originally Posted By: Bagheera
(2) Affairs are a LAZY "solution" to an SSM.
Yes, laziness and folly. Confronting the problems would have taken so much work and the result would have been so much better and worth it at the time. Our youth was wasted by my immaturity and laziness. Now all I can do is look back and only imagine what my life would have been like had I not been such a fool.
My laziness has just made it that much more difficult to get what I truly wanted all along - a wonderful marriage - how can it be wonderful now? It is permanently damaged. It may be patched up now but never truly blissful again.
Originally Posted By: Bagheera
(3) Affairs are an indulgence in fantasy, not reality.
Agreed. It was like riding a high. There was no real way it could ever last. By living in that fantasy world I ignored important things in my life. My wife suffered loneliness from an absent husband, my daughter missed out on a loving father because I wasn't there for her completely.
It was all so empty. My soul was damaged and surrounded by fanciful thoughts without substance. My sadness and loneliness are what finally drove me out of that fantasy world. How could I feel anything at all if I had checked out of my senses? I didn't feel, I just existed.
Originally Posted By: Bagheera
(4) Affairs damage your own integrity.
This is the worst part for me. I became a person I didn't even like anymore... It wasn't even me. So much of my life/potential was wasted... and for what? I had never cheated before in my whole life and then I sold my integrity when "I thought" I had no other choice in my marriage.
However there is a choice. Work as hard as you can on your marriage, put in the work. I actually learned this from W, she has never given up on our love or me. It was me that gave up so easily. I am so ashamed that it took this long for me to learn that a way can be found... If you work hard and have hope. Giving up hope leads to a possible affair and then to 1, 2, 3 and 4 above. Take it from me, you do not want to go through 1-2-3-4 it's NOT fun.
Don't give up or you won't get to the point I am now. I have been given a second chance to find love again in my marriage and I am so grateful. My wife can see how happy I am and I see how happy she is that we are finding our way back to each other. It will be hard and I know there is a rough road ahead.
Thanks to many people here I have grown just enough to face this now.
