I think at one point she did like being the one who coordinated everything. I used to call her the family social director. But maybe after a long time of this, plus adding in that she percieved me not stepping up to the plate when the bankruptcy happened, she had enough. If this is the case, or in any case, if she truly lost respect for me, can it be regained?
Yes! It can be regained. My H and I are living proof of that. Don't lose hope.
I know what it is to have self-esteem issues. I know.....very hard to believe! However, for many years I did and it took a long time to come out of that. I did learn that if I did not like Sandi.....nobody esle would. We "teach" others what to think about us. What are you teaching your W? If she is seeing you not respecting yourself.....then neither will she. I think you gave up some of that when you thought you were giving in to her in some of the things in the R. It's fine for her to coordinate social activites.....family things, etc. However, when it comes to issues such as bankruptcy.......that's different. Of course she wants you to talk to her about what needs to be done. she wants to be respectfully considered and for you to hear her opinion......however, you are the man and she should be able to lean on your strength. THAT'S IT IN A NUTSHELL! She desires for you to be the man she can lean on and trust to take care of her and whatever threatens the family. I can't remember this particular part of your stitch, but I'll use it for an example; that is a scary thing for a woman....bankruptcyy! Sure, it is for a man as well. But, we see you guys as being the TOUGH one in the partnership. Your the man, right? We are taught that as little girls. The MAN will take care of us as a family. Doesn't take our independence away, like some women's lib might argue......but in a MR......women (who are truly a wife) desire to lean on their H.
As a police officer, you probably have to put up with a lot of cr@p, right? I would think that it would wear a person's self-esteem down after day in & day out routine of dealing with a disrespectful public. When you go home, you probably want to simply shut it off and not have to "deal". Am I pretty close?
An A with OP is the most disrespectful thing a M partner can do. It takes the worst toll on the self-esteem. It took me coming here and reading about the pain you LBS go through for me to really get my eyes open and see what I had put my H through. Remember, I was still in an EA when I came on board. I was very much in a fog and it took this board helping me to find my way. Anyway, I respect my H more right now than I ever have in our M. He doesn't take any cr@p off of me and stands up to me......and you know what? I may get mad sometimes.....but I had rather him be this way, than to be like he was.
Your ego has taken a terrible beating. You are in love with your wife. You are in awful pain. But you can do this! You can regain her respect. She wants to be able to do that. But, you have to earn it. Will not be easy at this point, but if my H can do it.....ANYBODY can do it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
However, for many years I did and it took a long time to come out of that. I did learn that if I did not like Sandi.....nobody esle would. We "teach" others what to think about us. What are you teaching your W? If she is seeing you not respecting yourself.....then neither will she. I think you gave up some of that when you thought you were giving in to her in some of the things in the R. It's fine for her to coordinate social activites.....family things, etc. However, when it comes to issues such as bankruptcy.......that's different. Of course she wants you to talk to her about what needs to be done. she wants to be respectfully considered and for you to hear her opinion......however, you are the man and she should be able to lean on your strength. THAT'S IT IN A NUTSHELL! She desires for you to be the man she can lean on and trust to take care of her and whatever threatens the family. I can't remember this particular part of your stitch, but I'll use it for an example; that is a scary thing for a woman....bankruptcyy! Sure, it is for a man as well. But, we see you guys as being the TOUGH one in the partnership. Your the man, right? We are taught that as little girls. The MAN will take care of us as a family. Doesn't take our independence away, like some women's lib might argue......but in a MR......women (who are truly a wife) desire to lean on their H.
