Cautiously Optimistic

[Done in VA]

Another interesting thing...my mom had always told a friend (we'll call her Pam) of hers about the problems I'd had with MIL throughout our marriage. Pam had Narcissistic (NPD) MIL as well - she could always relate to my struggles. When H dropped the bomb on me back in Jan, mom told Pam about it. Pam told mom there was a professor at the college they work at who she confided in about her problems (we'll call professor Don). Don had an NPD mom too. I don't think Don was in a full blown MLC, but Don was having some marital issues that he couldn't resolve until he resolved NPD mom issues.

Don spoke with me on the phone. He told me he found an excellent Therapist who specialized in working w/adult children of NPD's. He said in working with her, she was able to get him in touch w/all the emotions he had stuffed down inside of himself for 35+ years. He said at one point he was laying on the floor in the fetal position crying for hours. He was finally able to FEEL everything NPD mom had squashed his whole life. He said it was a 1.5 year process to work through everything. He gave me therapist's information. She now lives in Hawaii (ugh). She will do intensive treatments (couples will go stay at a hotel for 1-2 weeks & meet w/her for several hours/day). It's really expensive. After that, she does follow up phone consultations. I spoke with her on the phone. She wouldn't speak w/H over the phone. She said she would never be able to build the relationship she would need with him via a phone call to coax him out of his shell. She said it's very difficult.

I guess this would pertain to the ones that stay sad teenagers forever...but she said it all depends on whether or not THE PAIN OF KNOWING IS GREATER THAN THE DESIRE TO HEAL.

I wish I could convince H to go.