Serenity, I don't think there's anything wrong with telling him the door is always open.
He just needs to know that there are now going to be CONDITIONS placed upon his coming thru that door, based on his recent decisions and behavior.
And there's still time and opportunity for you to backfill that information. BUT LET HIM COME TO YOU -- STOP PURSUING HIM.
I don't think you should tell your son what to say and not to say to his father -- just let that play out. Don't ENcourage him nor DIScourage him, one way or another. He probably feels put in the middle.
Oh, and GET YOUR LOCKS CHANGED IMMEDIATELY. Your husband, by deserting you with no warning, has given up any rights to just come and go in that house as he pleases, and go through your things. Don't tell him you're doing this -- JUST DO IT.
