Oops sorry! I hope to God the kids haven't figured it out, but they must know something's up. They know we go out, and we usually tell them that we're going to party hosted by a friend of Dad's. I try not to be seen as we leave. And I certainly don't want them involved in this lifestyle in their marriages.
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You seem to describe your R as happy when H is happy. Why are you giving him so much credit? Just because he thinks he knows whats best for you doesnt mean he does. Is it his level of confidence that attracts you to him or his charm?[quote]
When H isn't happy, I'm walking around on eggshells trying not to add to whatever his aggravation is. I'm the sounding board when he's frustrated, and it wears me down when he's screaming about whatever- whether it's something I did or someone else.
It turns out that I'm not the only who's nervous to talk to him. S18 is getting ready for to leave for college and had a major case of cold feet and second thoughts about the whole thing. He wasn't about to talk to his Dad about it, he came to me. I told H what was going on so he wasn't out of the loop, but I'm the one S18 feels that he can talk to and be heard. H comes off as intimidating and arrogant to people.
I do realize that H doesn't know what's best for me. That's for me to decide. And I have decided I want and deserve a H that wants to be true to me, respects me and loves me, who doesn't just treat me like a sex toy. There's no "I love You's" or non-sexual contact in our marriage. I used to say it but stopped a long time ago. He never did, because "after all, some things just go without saying."
I'm not even attracted to him anymore. I've seen the way he acts and I don't like it. When we were on vacation last month, it was after dark and he says "lets go down to the beach so you can b**w me." He wasn't joking, he meant it- it's about him. I guess it's supposed to be fun for me to drop to my knees at his whim. During the day, he was taking pics of the women on the beach without their knowledge (they weren't nude shots, but still inappropriate). He's lucky no one noticed and reported him. I found out when D16 decided to take a pic of him and saw the other pics on his camera. She told him he was a "creeper" and H just laughed it off. There is something wrong with him. I need to get out before I get hurt anymore, I don't trust him not to do that. That sounds dramatic, I know, but it's how I feel.
