I want my Monkey and Sheep Back

[beepee]

oh no, oh no.. this isnt good when is it going to get better?

i was cleaning the room and looked under the bed to see if there was anything under there. and i found something. a bag full of cards that my H gave me that i saved but had ripped up and shredded into little pieces, after he admitted to cheating on me. i thought i had thrown them away.. i did. im sure i did. but i now realized that he had gathered it all up and put it into a bag and saved it and hid it under the bed so i wouldnt see it and throw it away again. and now i cant even read any of the beautiful love letters he wrote me because i was stupid enough to get so nagry and tear everything to pieces. i cant believe i found it.

this has really set me back and im really really hurting right now after finding these. i miss him. i miss the man who used to do things like this. the man who cared so much about me, the man who knew that i didnt want to get rid of those letters but did it in a rage. i miss him so much and looking at this bag full of ripped up love letters is so painful. i spent about an hour trying to put ONE letter together so i could read it sweet words but i couldnt. the pieces were too small. i cant stop crying now. this is a huge shock to me and i dont know how to handle it.

oh god this hurts, i want him back so bad. i just want to see him, hear his voice again. not get a f*ckin email. i want to hear his voice. i want to be able to hold his hand or touch his face. this is so painful. this is so painful.