Let me ask you guys a question. I have noticed something that has got me thinking. What do you make of this, if anything: All through our marriage, I have been relatively passive.I never wanted to fight or argue, which I'm sure had a lot to do with our current problems. We never fought. Recently, she said something that made me think, and then realize that it wasn't the first time she has said something similar. I overheard a neighbor of ours saying that his new girlfriend talked back to him where his old girlfriend didn't. When I told W this, she said "Sometimes you need that." I remember a time when she even said she wished someone would yell at her. I know that as a kid her father yelled and belittled her and her sisters often when they were kids, so I always thought I shouldn't appear to be like her Dad, but I probably took it too far by not even disagreeing with her stronger than just making a passing remark. The only time I got a positive reaction from her was when I stood up to her when she started talking about dividing the house and custody. If this is something that I have overlooked, how can I use it now? Or should I?
Read NMMNG and/or Co-Dependent No More they are along the same themes. Your wife doesn't really want to be able to overpower you in anyway - physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually. Partner with you sure but she needs you strong in control and in charge. Read up on boundaries- what are they, how do you set and enforce them? Boundaries are healthy. Good advice I received here - if something distresses you it is your responsiblity to bring it up. Sandi said something great I like too, Fight for your marriage not the person in it. So lead, take action and man-up. You can handle it.
Cheers Coach
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
