I feel like I am operating in a vacuum

[beepee]

I ended up talking to one of them most of the night, gave her my business card, and asked her to call me.

thats great!! im glad youre putting yourself out there and making friends/dates. i think thats important in order to try and move on a bit and GAL. no harm in making girl friends, since your wife wants out anyway, she shouldnt get mad.

I did not sleep well, and I took half of an Ambien at 5:00AM. Then I went to see my counselor at 9:00. By the time I got finished with him, I was in no mood or condition to drive an hour to work so I took a sick day. I spent about three hours in bed trying to sleep, but it didn't work.

i used to be like this ALL the time. i wouldnt fall asleep until i had to go somewhere and by then id be too tired to go and would call in sick to work or not go to classes ALL the time. it wasnt good and it wasnt healthy either. im glad the meditation was soothing. you should do anything that helps!! have you spoken to your doctor about your sleeping habits? have they always been like this or just since your sitch? ive always a problem sleeping, i was a total insomniac but its weird, ever since the H left, i forced myself not to have caffeine and to wake up early so i wouldnt go to sleep late and feel extremely lonely in the night. i would hate that and i know if i stayed awake in the night, id get extremely depressed.

i'm really glad your son is around to listen to you, im pretty sure he's worried about you and wants to be around as much as possible to help you through this.

Because I do not feel motivated, I don't do anything. I just want to sit in a chair with my eyes closed. Then, I feel bad about it. The worse I feel, the more I want to sit.

DITTO. i was like this for a long time. i still am like this but i know that if im gonna survive and move on, i have to pick myself up from that chair or bed and force myself to do something, ANYTHING. no more wallowing. i know how hard it is for us because of the depression, but the depression is only going to get worse if you dont get up and go.

Maybe I need to realize that I am not "tired" and that I am depressed

Excellent. I need to remind myself of that too.

This weekend, I plan to go to a party in DC. My buddy and I were Peace Corps volunteers from 73-35. He has a son who is headed to Uganda in August. Second generation Peace Corps! He plans to invite some other former volunteers who live in the DC area. It will be a good time.

I plan on joining the PeaceCorps in the future, would love to go to Cambodia, the very first volunteers were sent there last year i believe. would be my dream to be able to do that.

Half of today was good; I'll take it.

Great, thats a start. now start telling yourself that youll take no less than a full great day!