K4D Rising #4

[25yearsmlc]

To answer your questions... No. I am no longer going to AA or counseling. I have been going to a priest each Monday night. I found that looking at things from a spiritual side is much stronger and better.

The 12 step program IS A SPIRITUAL PROGRAM...did you even read the steps? They include an essential "spiritual awakening"...I've heard of people quitting AA b/c it's too religious but your reason ---let's just say it lacks authenticity. And I LOVE the judgmentalism you use on all the "losers" in your group b/c you would NEVER do anything like those horrid people.. therefore you must NOT be an alcoholic...you only lost a wife and job b/c of drinking....you didn't kill anyone, you don't live in the gutter, so you are NOT a problem drinker....Good for you. Great insight.

You know, you were supposed to find a group you were comfortable with. We all told you this several times. I went to some groups of ALL ex-cons and yes, I did go find another group but not b/c I thought they were losers but b/c I'm a L. ANd I wanted people I had more in common with and so I found a group of doctors and lawyers and teachers ALL with addiction or alcohol problems...we exist....Then I searched some more and went to 6 or 7 til I found a women's group that had more people I felt comfortable with, to take out the gender issues but your tolerance for discomfort is zero...so you quit that...what a slap. You admitted drinking was a huge reason your marriage ended and your wife called you a functioning alcoholic and YOU described yourself as a guy who'd come home and drink and not interact much with the kids and wished they were gone....Which is what functioning alcoholics do, wish others were not around so they can drink or sleep more...or play video games or ignore those they love....and though I am Catholic, I find it curious you chose the ONE church your wife HATES, to start discussions with and taking your girls to...oh the church that doesn't believe in divorce....

I am able to talk with him about stuff and he is helping me out in a few different area's. I felt like I needed spiritual guidance. The AA meeting that I went to really had a lot of screwed up people in it and it seemed like half of the conversation was F this and F that, etc. Just didn't feel like that was somewhere I should be after thinking it over.

Well we know you didn't want to shop around (so time consuming!) or take anyone's advice to find the right group. They are ALL around you! And again, Way to judge others, (super spiritual!!) and you did what ALL the resisters of 12 steps do. (This is right out of the book on addiction, that you didn't read) It's as if you think since You don't cuss, or you have an apartment, ergo, you must not have a "real" problem. What a cliche.

Do You think I felt like "those people" when I went to my first meetings? I tossed my pride at the door and listened to those who had lost more than me and realized, "There but for the Grace of God, go I"....

I was addicted to pain killers but my h did not know, and I was holding down a great job, and mothering my kids pretty well I thought, and I only went to rehab (at the time,) b/c I found out I was pregnant --(and though the painkillers don't cause birth defects, I didn't want to keep taking them and t thought out of caution I should probably do it medically supervised due to the pregnancy...well WHOAH! It was hard as hell to get off those things. When I got to the place, I listened and prayed like never before, and realized, "hey, this is a PROBLEM for real", & I LISTENED and opened my mind and heart and I thank God for my baby saving my life and my career and probably a lot more.
By the way, I had a truly spiritual awakening there, just like they discuss IN THE 12 STEPS, and THAT was the first, most important spiritual experience I ever had. That's when an active relationship with God began in my life.

Don't talk to me or others about AA or NA not being spiritual b/c it means you missed the single biggest point of the program. And it's a slap in the face of the thousands of recovering addicts/alcoholics who have God in their lives like never before. You missed out on yet another resource, that could have given you joy and insight and created true change within you, but since it was not wrapped the way you wanted it, you turned it away...gee no pattern there

On top of that, alcohol does not have power over me anymore. It used to. It no longer does. It does not control me. I can avoid it with ease now.

BS. I pray that I am wrong but I know something about this. And I do pray I'm wrong but in mho, You will relapse. In fact, I bet anything you already are drinking again, but b/c you have not yet gotten drunk again, or you are "only having a few" you think you have learned to control it. Do you know how 85% of relapses start? Like that.... You know nothing of recovery or the disease. And It shows.

I did meet with my priest again last night and that seems to be helping me. I am reading a lot and listening to sermons, etc. Just because I had a down day or 2 doesn't mean I have turned back into the old Kevin. I'm doing fine today.

CG, I know that W is seething because she detests the catholic church and has made no secret of it to me many times and she also threatened months ago to give me problems with the kids if I took them to mass. So I am not speculating on that one. I know firmly where she stands on that.

Like I said earlier,- in gest about your wife but seriously to you,- what theological research did you do to that caused you to choose Catholicism? Are you taking a Jesuit approach? Are you more of a Paulinian, how do you feel about liberation theology? Are you a pre-Vatican II Catholic, or post Vatican II? I think your choice of going to Mass IS DIRECTLY RELATED TO YOUR WIFE.

Look, who am I to judge? But as a Catholic I would love to think your choice stemmed from some deep, reflective intellectual search over time, with lots of profound reading of Augustine and Aquinas and John Paul II, along with a strong Protestant theologian, like CS Lewis, to counter balance, and of course some soulful inward searching within, prayers, to find where your beliefs truly lay --- but somehow....geez, that is not what's coming to mind....

I'm not sure what I am doing to try and impress her. My stand for the church I am going to is not to impress her. I know how much she is against it.

yeah... See above

Ok, yes, lifting weights would be to try and make myself more attractive to her. I don't see a problem there as DBing tells us to make ourselves more attractive to our S. That is just one of the ways in which I can do that. And I will get some health benefits out of it anyways.

Stuck808, whether or not I was wondering if she was interested in me is beside the point. I have no intention of taking her up on anything should she be interested in me. It is flattering if she is and the thought had crossed my mind wondering if she is. But nothing will come of it because I am not pursuing it.

Tomato, I'm glad you are getting to go to the prayer tonite with the standers. Thank you for making sure I am included in those prayers.

Everyone say what yall will. This is the path I have chosen.

THEN Why post here? At all? You just flat out told us nothing we say or tell you will change anything meaningful in your life. Sure a few phrases here and there, to help you keep from blurting out your needs again, or how to pursue her less obviously, etc, anything about getting your wife back is really the ONLY THING you have ever responded to. The rest about YOU and YOUR INTERNAL WORK has been for nothing and you just said it yourself out loud. There's nothing we can do to help you. You will do what you want and then tell us "yall can say what yall will".....and you will do what you will do. And waste so much time. Of ours! Nothing I sent to you resonates for more than an hour & Results in no change...


I am focusing on my spiritual side
so we're told...

and yes, I do still pray for my M to be restored. I'm not going to stop praying for that. I also pray that I make the changes needed for myself and my family. I pray for the standers for their M's to be restored as well as many M's on DBing. I do things with friends. I avoid situations now that could put me in a tempting situation.
I try to put my faith in God as much as possible. It doesn't mean I don't have bad days or wonder if anything will ever change.

But I really try to stick to the core things of the church the more I learn.

((Sigh)

I feel like I am finally finding the right path for me through the church and through the standers. I still need a hobby besides poker. I am working on that one. Dancing is becoming one of those hobbies. That is fun.

I fully expect to get 2X4's but that is ok. I am comfortable with my stance.

Kevin

2 x 4s??...WHY? What's the point?
And you not getting c after one visit is really odd. Guess You just come here for it? See, if you go to a c, they'll expect you to what they ask or they won't keep seeing you. You come here and then ignore us unless it seems to help you with your wife - or passing time til she comes back--you ignore us too.. Nothing about thte CG methods of thought stopping were noted by you, or the other 100 ideas you've been given about resources, most questions don't get answered if they reveal you quitting again...The stubborness is almost pathological...and thanks for telling us NOW that you are not getting C or going to any more meetings... Do you feel you have been very honest here with us? [/b]


True you have made incremental progress at a glacial speed, and you only make 90% of the same mistakes you made months ago, and once a week you talk about theology - or your wife- to a priest, so you now don't need any c? Really? Did the priest tell you that and did you show him any of the 1000s' of posts you wrote here or that were given to you? Does he KNOW YOU? If so, then Kevin, you don't need to come here either do you?

Now Some would argue you need a lot more than c. But you won't get any, so why argue it? Besides, You quit everything that makes you uncomfortable. Oh, good thing you are working on the spiritual thing.

B/c you judged the c you met ONE TIME quite critically, like you judged those at the ONE AA meeting you attended, no doubt with an open heart and mind, and sometimes you judge your wife and her family or friends the same way...

So...that's that. As you like to say "Yall do what yall will"....well, same to you kevin. You know, we deserved better from you after the months of holding your hand, and repeating ourselves til we're blue in the face, yeah, we deserved real honesty and real effort. You know, the HARD stuff Not denial, and an "arms crossed' attitude of "You can't make me!" which is how I feel you are behaving now. Just my take on it of course. And I do pray I'm wrong about you. Guess time will tell.


j-

PS I never said crying was weak. I simply asked you why you'd apologize for something about your interaction with your wife the other day. I asked if you had cried b/c I could not imagine what it was you 'd apologize for when she picked up the kids...whatever.