Here's another thing. S15 found a box of my old stuff in my Dad's house yesterday. In it was about 20 love letters from my old W to me. It was brutal - he was balling allnight - and quite honestly it hit me pretty hard also. We talked for a long time last night. He basically said that he knows me and that he knows mom crossed the lines of being in a M, but he asked me to keep the door ajar (that's something I tell him about his R with his mom). His theory was that something is very wrong with her and that he thinks she is eventually going to seek help. And if she seeks help and I knew something was wrong with her during this time that maybe I could get past some of the behavior. Needless to say it was a very emotional night.
After I put him to bed, I read every one of the letters. Most of them were 4 or 5 pages long. I didn't even remember that I kept them. It was brutal. I slept maybe 15 minutes. It's the most emotion that has ever hit me. I loved this woman for 24 years. It's clear that she loved me also - claimed it was eternal. Now she doesn't - now she has changed. Yet she looked at me three times yesterday like it was 10 years ago.
That is heart wrenching. I'll keep praying for you brother. Strength and Honor.
Cheers
ps We need to come up with a drink called the "Strength and Honor." What would go in it? (Sorry had to lighten the mood.)
Mules,
Great post.
Coach pulled the same two paragraphs that made my eyes water.
Smart boy... but, the clock ticks on, you can't wait indefinitely for something that may or may not ever happen even if your son is right...
Even if that door were ajar, you have to live your life...
I'm so happy to hear that you are their Rock.
-AlexEN
New: What a Weekend
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