Divorce not busted 2

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I had said the same thing to W in the beginnig of the Great Sadness. I told her I missed touching legs when we slept and held hands and just leaned on each other. She didn't seem too impressed.

too "Melty Man." Not attractive. (sadly, I might add, cuz I'm quite good at it myself. Just seems to be an observable fact.)

Puppy

[Orich]

Right. I learned that since coming here, thanks puppy!

[Orich]

I am at McDonalds with my S5. I took this week off to watch him and save on daycare. It's wierd. Lots of moms with their kids. I can't help but wonder if this is my future? Taking the boys places just me and them. A couple just came in with their kid, they look so happy. What is so horrible about me that W wants to break up this family? Why can't we go on being a family, taking family trips, etc? She once said family is the most important thing to her. WTH?
Btw, some of these moms are hot... But that's a different post, lol!

[K4D]

I'd say accept this right now for what it is. Try not to look at it as your long term future. Have you gone to the rejoice ministries website yet? In the questions and answers section, there are good things that can help you. I'd say keep having faith in God, keep praying. Don't look at other women as an option. Focus on God, you, your kids, and your M. Pray everyday. I pray multiple times a day.

I have thought about that to when I take my kids somewhere and I wonder if this is my future just me and them with W no longer in it. Its depressing especially when you see other couples and families. It makes you wonder why it has to be this way. But there is a greater plan that will be revealed to you and hopefully it includes your W coming back to you. I believe if you stand for your M, that God will reward you at some point. He wants marriage's restored. But you have to do what he is asking you to do and be patient. Remember the story of the tea cup? "Not yet".

Kevin

[Orich]

Yeah, I know what you mean. When temptation hits, I usually say a quick prayer to St. Michael. In the meantime, I try giving Him my pain, letting Him tale it from me. I know he has a plan. I certainly hope W is in it. I will stand for my M. I took those vows very seriously, and I still love my W.

[K4D]

I'm with you and I am praying for you and your W to be restored. Try and enjoy your week off. I know its not easy given the obvious circumstances. But try to do the best you can. Your kids love you and I'm sure are happy to be getting to spend time with their dad.

I'd be a hypocrite if I said not to focus on other couples and missing your W. Lord knows I do it to. But try anyways. Just remember, He hears your prayers. He is working on things.

Kevin

[MrBond]

O,

Have you tried detatching at all? I get the feeling that your W is seriously sensing your neediness and that pressure. I think sandi once told me how the WAS can sense it and it just makes the LBS seem pathetic.

I was the same way as you. Then through the advice of others here, I stopped "acting" as if and started showing "as if". Even when she told you the first time that she wanted to reconcile, I have the feeling that you might have jumped all over that and was so relieved that it put additional pressure on her.

I think it's the same with Retrovaille. She mentioned she wanted to go, so just give her the info and leave it up to God. You want to have it be her decision without any influence from you. It's hard as hell, but I learned to just let God do what He needs to do. If the spouse isn't ready, she isn't ready.

I think if you started backing off a little more she'll get closer.

[Orich]

I am detaching as best as I can. We still live together, so it is difficult. I spend a lot of time at the gym, and work late twice a week. The weekends are especially hard because she still has us doing family things.
One of the things she said she had a problem with in MC was that I was generally quiet and didn't initiate conversation much. That, and she felt I didn't spend much time with the kids. So I am adressing those things while at the same time trying to detach. It is a difficult balance.
Since she said she wanted to go to Retro, I have only asked her twice if she called, and that's it. Just asked. I didn't make a big deal of it at all. In fact, when she said she would go, all I said was that I would begin registration. Theonly reason why I asked if she called was because they need to know if we are going to keep the spot for us.
I posted a little while ago for advice on how to further detach. I realize that I can improve in that area.
I have tried to be cool and distant since I learned the technique here.

[MrBond]

I know exactly how you feel. My W and I are living together, sleeping in the same bed, talking, doing family stuff every weekend, etc. Yet she keeps saying that she wants a D and how she just doesn't love me anymore...blah blah blah.

So for me, detachment meant going to the gym to make me feel better about myself. It meant doing things and not wondering if my W was going to be offended about it. It meant coming with the understanding that if I went home today and saw everything gone, I'd be fine. That it would be her loss, not mine.

Sandi gave me a great piece of advice. Just to do something for myself every day. Even if it was just to walk and get lost for a bit. That has helped to keep me focused. I also pray for her alot and for her disquiet.

Something that will hopefully give her peace.

[davidswife]

Orich,

If you Google "loving detachment", there are several good resources that might be able to help you. There have been some good links posted on K4D's thread -- but I'm not sure which one -- there have been so many!

Stacy