Hi Bunny. A lot of what you're saying describes a very "co-dependent" relationship. You seem to describe your R as happy when H is happy. Why are you giving him so much credit? Just because he thinks he knows whats best for you doesnt mean he does. Is it his level of confidence that attracts you to him or his charm? You really NEED to stop focusing on him and think about YOU. This is really what this board is all about. Learning to be happy with yourself first and then how to be happy with your spouse.
I really think you NEED to take some time to figure out what YOUR NEEDS and WANTS are. Then figure out which ones are NON-NEGOTIABLE and which ones you are willing to COMPROMISE on. Your H should then do the same. This will hopefully give you a better picture of where you stand in your R.
A big part of becoming less of a co-dependent person is figuring out your boundaries then really sticking to them. Your personal values should definitely be a NON-NEGOTIABLE BOUNDARY.
You never answered the question about your kids finding out about this "lifestyle"???
