Whats next is on him....

[Bagheera]

Diane,

I don't think there is a "why" beyond: he is the way he is, and he doesn't want to change. He will not acknowledge any problem with the way that he is: from his standpoint, there IS no problem -- he's happy as he is. He doesn't want to talk about your unhappiness: from his standpoint, that's YOUR problem, and your problem to handle.

You've tried multiple times to approach him about your relationship / sexual problems, and every time you get deflected and put off. He brushes your concerns aside while he's at home, and avoids communication about them while he's away. Trying to ask him "why" now will simply result in more of the same.

More-of-the-same behavior on your part (trying to have R talks or discussions via phone, letter, or email) will simply result in more-of-the-same behavior on his part (silence and dodging).

Based upon your history, I think that your best approach is to live your own life, for yourself, and let him live his -- just leave him alone about your complaints, for now. When he's away, just do your own thing, and when he's home, make it a pleasant visit (as much as you can).

You need to do something **different** and focus your efforts on YOU, not him.

-- B.