Back from Denver, took my H for vasectomy and now that H is feeling better he brought up D papers. H asked what my plans for the future were last night during dinner and I asked what he meant.
H said time was passing quickly and that we both again his favorite slogan "need to stop the denial of us divorcing". I indicated I had not brought up the issue and he had not brought up the issue for awhile so had hoped he was willing to work on our marriage. Nope! I was the one dragging my feet filling out the financial paperwork and again when I brought up myself retaining an attorney he just went off. He said I was going to make things ugly, that I had been dragging my feet on the paperwork to keep him there and I would do anything to make him feel guilty and drag this out. He emphatically stated he wanted to move to Montreal and start meeting new flesh to bite into. H said some harsh things and it took me a long time to recoup last night, the pain resurfaced, I did not think I could get this emotional anymore after these months.
Of course, I fully intend to retain an attorney for myself, I think I have found someone who is compatible. I have got family coming August 2nd through August 11th and again we live and work together. I don't know who this man is anymore and I cannot DB anymore - right now I feel just maintaining my sanity will be about as good as I can get.
I've obviously been and am a doormat - H said last night after I told him I would miss him and had hoped our marriage would have survived that I was pathetic to still care or love him. Again, as you have all said the things they say is so out of the norm and so hurtful it is hard not to be hurt deeply when those comments are made.
He won't move out, I've got nowhere to go with family coming and H is not going to tell any of his family/friends what he is planning until right before he goes because he said last night that everyone will shun him, that no one will understand that he needs to go and explore and discover a new life. That they will all judge him to be mean to me and crazy to pack up and run away. My SIL knows sitch from me (she caught me at a very low moment) and she already feels abandoned. Than late last night H actually said well, you know, it might not work out and than he would come back and beg forgiveness. I know DB says to say goodbye, wish him well, and tell him you will miss him. In DB you want to keep the door open, but man is that healthy in my particular case.
I feel just crazy inside, I told him it was so unfair for him to not tell anyone what is happening and to make me carry the burden alone, he obviously just does not care.
I know I will make it through this, but no longer sure I want my marriage to survive...
Anyone have success at this stage?
Thanks, Michele
M 42 H 41 M 16 yrs. Together 20 yrs. No kids, 1 cat Bomb 5.16.09 D papers in my lap
