Well, my W discovered that the kids were going to mass with me. So she asked why. I went into my reasoning behind it. She chose to disagree with me on the reasoning but didn't say anything else.

So she disagreed. Fine. She CHOSE to say nothing else but you kept talking and explaining. Less is more. You could have said "W, my faith is an important part of my life that I would like to include our girls in" and left it at that. You could have also practiced a bit of validation there but instead chose not to.


I'm sure she was seething as it was IMing back and forth. Either way, that is where I am going and when I have the girls, that is where they will be going with me. There is nothing she can do about it. It is one huge strike against me. But I'm not caving on that issue. She doesn't even take them to church, so why she cares which one I take them to, I don't know.

Again - you are mind reading and speculating that she is seething which means you are allowing her to control your thoughts. Sharing your faith with YOUR children is not a strike against you and if she thinks it is... who cares? At this point anything you try and do will be viewed as a strike against you as far as your W is concerned so stop worrying about it. You cant or wont please her right now so stop trying. There is a BIG difference between caving and setting your boundaries. If ya'll are going to co-parent these sorts of discussions will come up and so far you have taken a stance that is not condusive to a productive discussion about how you will raise your girls as far as church is concerned.

Either way, that set me back majorly with her I am sure. She wanted no part in discussing the logic with me. She said she wasn't interested in a theological discussion. Funny because she told me that her and her 55 year old friend have the greatest theological discussions. Oh well.

WAS and logic dont usually go hand and hand. Again, she made it clear that she does not want to discuss things with you and prefers to discuss them with other men. What does that say to you?

So if I take a stand for something and set my boundaries she detests me and if I don't, she doesn't respect me.

Setting boundaries in a loving and firm way is for you. How the WAS reacts to that is not something you can control. Boundaries are not about earning respect from your WAS - they are about taking control of YOUR life.

Can't win.

You are right - you cant win because this is not a game and you keep playing this game and dancing this dance with your W. When you make it about you and you only then you will lose the "cant win" outlook.

And yes, what about the C'ing appts and AA? I hope they werent a one time thing.

Honestly, not much has changed - you are still doing things in hope to impress your W and we all see right through you. Chances are she does too.