H was in a very bad mood fromt he get go. We fought this morning about silly stuff just like we always do.
I left to go to work but I ended my day early and instead of picking up my daughter, I can home to try and get things straightened out and hopefully salvage some of the day.
That did not go very good, becasue as soon as I got home I noticed that the locks on the front door was changed. He said that it was something that needed to be done anyway and handed me a key. I was still confused why it was done at all.
Then he wants to forget anything happened at all this morning and have sex. I am not in the mood and I am still upset but do it anyway he says. NO NO NO NO!!! Why do men think that sex solves everything!?!?!?!
We went to pick up my daughter from daycare together and ended up fighting most of the way there and back. Now he is outside and I am inside. I don't want to be around him right now. I feel like nothing is getting any better and we are the exact same as we was when I filed for the divorce.
I am suppose to make up my mind by the end of uly. Right now I am still up in the air as to what I should do. I may just postpone it another couple of months.....
Me-31 Him-28 D1-9 D2-6 Married 5-06 Seperated 12-07 He filed 1-08 Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08 Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09 Filed for D 4-28-09 Trying to make a go of it 6-09
Lots happened this weekend but the brief over veiw is plainly not good...
H got mad at me because I told him I thought he was being a jerk by how he was treating me and talking to me. I may not have gone about it the right way by telling him straight out what I was thinking but I did not deserve what I got in return.
H blew. He called me a bunch of nasty names, broke a lamp by punching it, locked me in our camper by shoving a picnic table up against the door, told me he would sleep next to me and I would like it because he was my H and he had that right....
Great we are exactly where we was before plus more crap.
Thoughts are running through my head and none of them are good. I don't think I want to be with him now.
Last time I posted I said that I was thinking about postponing the divore stuff a bit further, now I am not so sure.
I wish someone would respond to me on here. do I need to post my stuff somewhere else? What am I doing wrong on here that I am not getting much feedback?
Me-31 Him-28 D1-9 D2-6 Married 5-06 Seperated 12-07 He filed 1-08 Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08 Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09 Filed for D 4-28-09 Trying to make a go of it 6-09
My H told me today that he wasn't happy with our marriage or with me. But then he went on to say that I was the only person that could make him happy except right now.
What am I suppose to say to that? How am I suppose to feel about him saying that I am the only person that has ever made him happy but I am not doing it right now?
My thoughts??? I am not here to make him happy. He needs to find happiness inside of himself first.
We were suppose to go to the MC on Wednesday. Guess what? They called to cancel it. I did not realize how much I was wanting to go until it was cancelled.
Me-31 Him-28 D1-9 D2-6 Married 5-06 Seperated 12-07 He filed 1-08 Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08 Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09 Filed for D 4-28-09 Trying to make a go of it 6-09
((lost-n-I)) Oh dear. My radar is up. We have a few things in common, down to the restraining order and it's subsequent dismissal. Glad to hear you have an escape plan. When I made my escape, a couple of things went well, and a couple of things didn't. What worked: A good friend who I could call 10 times a day, if needed. Found a safe, clean apartment and did not have to go to a shelter. Lots of reading, I especially like 'Co-Dependent No More'. What didn't work: Fear-based decision making ('I can't let him find us'). Unrealistic expectations ('Kids want to get away') I'm real concerned for you. I don't have any advice, but just wanted to let you know you are not the only one in this sitch. love, Goldey
you are in a seriously dangerous situation...breaking things and locking you in a camper is likely a precursor to something even worse.
I was so worried this would happen...it is predictable that the abuse will get worse when you take an abuser back, and it certainly has! Please heed these warning signs. Breaking a lamp this time, breaking you next time!!
Do you have a domestic violence center in your town? Please try to locate some resources to help you deal with this violent man.
And his comments about saying you're the only person that makes him happy and he's angry that you aren't right now...this shows that he has externalized all his feelings, he makes YOU responsible for HIS feelings.
One thing that DB sucks at and ignores is the very dangerous world of abuse. You can't DB an abuser. He's sick. He is addicted to blame, and there is nothing that you, lost, can do to fix him or even please him.
It took so much courage for you to separate from him the first time...please don't close your eyes to what is happening now.
He sounds violent. Does he harm you or the kids? How have things been in the past? Are you safe?
Me-47 WAW-42 D-16 S-14 M-22 yrs T-19 yrs ILYBNILWY-3 years ago. Full Story and original posts: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...066#Post1781066
Safety Planning Safety planning for someone involved in an abusive relationship is a necessary and important step. Planning can be used while you are still with your abuser or after the relationship has ended. While still in an abusive relationship, your safety is of primary importance.
Safety Plan Guidelines •Personal Safety with an Abuser •Getting Ready to Leave •General Guidelines for Leaving an Abusive Relationship •After Leaving the Abusive Relationship •For a Printable Personal Safety Plan Click HereThese safety suggestions have been compiled from safety plans distributed by state domestic violence coalitions from around the country. Following these suggestions is not a guarantee of safety, but could help to improve your safety situation.
Personal Safety with an Abuser •Identify your partner’s use and level of force so that you can assess danger to you and your children before it occurs. •Try to avoid an abusive situation by leaving. •Identify safe areas of the house where there are no weapons and there are ways to escape. If arguments occur, try to move to those areas. •Don’t run to where the children are, as your partner may hurt them as well. •If violence is unavoidable, make yourself a small target; dive into a corner and curl up into a ball with your face protected and arms around each side of your head, fingers entwined. •If possible, have a phone accessible at all times and know what numbers to call for help. Know where the nearest pay phone is located. Know the phone number to your local battered women’s shelter. Don’t be afraid to call the police. •Let trusted friends and neighbors know of your situation and develop a plan and visual signal for when you need help. •Teach your children how to get help. Instruct them not to get involved in the violence between you and your partner. Plan a code word to signal to them that they should get help or leave the house. •Tell your children that violence is never right, even when someone they love is being violent. Tell them that neither you, nor they, are at fault or are the cause of the violence, and that when anyone is being violent, it is important to stay safe. •Practice how to get out safely. Practice with your children. •Plan for what you will do if your children tell your partner of your plan or if your partner otherwise finds out about your plan. •Keep weapons like guns and knives locked away and as inaccessible as possible. •Make a habit of backing the car into the driveway and keeping it fueled. Keep the driver’s door unlocked and others locked — for a quick escape. •Try not to wear scarves or long jewelry that could be used to strangle you. •Create several plausible reasons for leaving the house at different times of the day or night. •Call a domestic violence hotline periodically to assess your options and get a supportive understanding ear. Getting Ready to Leave •Keep any evidence of physical abuse, such as pictures. •Know where you can go to get help; tell someone what is happening to you. •If you are injured, go to a doctor or an emergency room and report what happened to you. Ask that they document your visit. •Plan with your children and identify a safe place for them, like a room with a lock or a friend’s house where they can go for help. Reassure them that their job is to stay safe, not to protect you. •Contact your local battered women’s shelter and find out about laws and other resources available to you before you have to use them during a crisis. •Keep a journal of all violent incidences, noting dates, events and threats made, if possible. •Acquire job skills or take courses at a community college as you can. •Try to set money aside or ask friends or family members to hold money for you. General Guidelines for Leaving an Abusive Relationship •You may request a police stand-by or escort while you leave. •If you need to sneak away, be prepared. •Make a plan for how and where you will escape. •Plan for a quick escape. •Put aside emergency money as you can. •Hide an extra set of car keys. •Pack an extra set of clothes for yourself and your children and store them at a trusted friend or neighbor’s house. Try to avoid using the homes of next-door neighbors, close family members and mutual friends. •Take with you important phone numbers of friends, relatives, doctors, schools, etc., as well as other important items, including: •Driver’s license •Regularly needed medication •Credit cards or a list of credit cards you hold yourself or jointly •Pay stubs •Checkbooks and information about bank accounts and other assets •If time is available, also take: •Citizenship documents (such as your passport, green card, etc.) •Titles, deeds and other property information •Medical records •Children’s school and immunization records •Insurance information •Copy of marriage license, birth certificates, will and other legal documents •Verification of social security numbers •Welfare identification •Valued pictures, jewelry or personal possessions You may also create a false trail. Call motels, real estate agencies and schools in a town at least six hours away from where you plan to relocate. Ask questions that require a call back to your house in order to leave phone numbers on record.
Of course, there's much more on the website. Please clear your browser and internet options after looking it up.
Last edited by sgctxok; 07/21/0903:29 AM.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
If you are still undecided about leaving, dont tell him that you are thinking of leaving. Abuse is a situation where divorce busting takes a back seat.
