I have been just working and busy with work. My H and I are sort of at a stand still at this moment. I have days now where I just feel like I have been on my own........for years. I feel a real loss of connection. And weirdly enough, I have been able to come to terms with the fact that this is my life. And I am happy with myself and I will trust myself to lead a good life.
You know when things get confusing? When H calls.
This saturday was not a good day........and I cried some and just was exhausted from the almost 60-65 hr weeks I am putting into work. I got my fist paycheck and was so excited.....came home and realized I had no one to share the JOY with.....somehow, this was more upsetting than any other thought I have had.... in the past 10 days or so!
Then Sunday, H called again and talked about how we can go out and have some "fun" after the Divorce hearing ends........WHAT???
he is acting as if it is no big deal. I am not even sure I want to go to this hearing anymore. I am not needed really and what a waste of vacation days. I don't think I can go out and have drink with him after officially destroying my marriage..
I cant tell yet if I am trying to control him by me not going or if I just don't want to go anymore. What purpose can this have anyways????????
I get to go out for a few dinners with EX-Husband.......on the other hand do I really want to be 2000 miles away and sitting and knowing that my marriage is being legally disolved?
There is no right or wrong here......I just am going to have to make a decision. I made the decision to sign the papers.......now, I just have to get the guts to go and see this thru.
I am so tired of the whole situation. I don't look forward to his calls....in fact, the opposite.
So Im doing ok....just taking it one day at a time. It does get easier to get theru my days. That is nie.
Other than that.......everything has worked out with my dad and he is doing much better with his heart and he is now scheduled for the cancer surgery.
Hope your aare doing well and I will check your therad out soon.
