I like to check out your other posts from time to time and ran across this one:
Quote:
When I decided that I would "stay" at home.....I was not in any mood to discuss it. He may think that deciding to just stay in the M and not get D is enough for now. I was the "talkative" type and yet I had nothing to say! I was all talked out. I had been trying to tell my H what I needed for YEARS.....but it did no good. I don't know that your H has tried to tell you or not....just saying that he may see "staying" as "working". At the time, I felt that was all I could do. I had to reach what I call the point to be willing "to be willing" and it took quite a while before that actually kicked in. I even tried to tell myself that I was trying to "work".....when all I was doing was staying here. But to me....that was work!
I've heard my W several times make a similar point about relating to staying/remaining in our house as "working" or "contributing". Most recently, my W made this point to our C two weeks ago in response to our C stating that I had made great strides in my personal progress while my W had done nothing to address her "issues"- which my W also responded to (predictably) "I don't have any issues". That by the way was the same discussion in which my C suggested that it was time for my W to start looking to move out of our house ASAP as it appeared to her (C) that a trial separation would be much "healthier" for both of us since my W refuses to drop her EA with OM. (Recall that my W cried during that part of the discussion and was later pissed off after the session.) Incidently, my friend who had his own EA/PA thinks it would be a good idea for my W to move out on her own- at least temporarily. He said all it took for him was about one week alone at a local hotel for him to "get it".
At first blush, I don't like the idea and am not entirely pleased about my C bringing up my W potentially moving out. We could probably afford a one week stay at a hotel for my W financially, I just don't know if we could pull it off with the kids, especially D3. Plus with her Iphone and my BIL living in town, it probably wouldn't have as great an effect. Then again, I don't particularly care for my W's cake eating either.
My feeling right now is that having my W living here at the house with detachment from me is the still the best arrangement. That may change of course following my W's out of state trip back home in August and whatever transpires between her and OM. It's still looking bleak- she worked out this a.m. then spent a few hours tanning in the back yard. She looks smoking hot- part of me wishes I could tell her that right now- but I know all of the hard work is for OM's benefit.
BTW, how does the LBH differentiate between when a WAW is "cake eating" vs. being ambivalent and/or scared? Any thoughts on this?
M: 41 W: 39 S: 11 S: 10 D: 4 1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09 EA began: 2/14/09 EA discovered: 3/1/09 I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself _______________________________