its going to be a long night.i broke out the bottle and put on some good music.ah music.the w and i loved all types of music.kinda hard to find something that doesnt bring back memories.during the day i bust my but working which is a great distraction from all thats going on in my life.nights are harder when i dont have the kids.big house.just me and the cat.i try to do stuff around the house until the wee hours until im tired enough to pass out.sleep is the best time.doing my best though.doing LRT the best i can.in my mind i know she is probably not coming back but in the back of my mind i still have this glimmer of hope.i wish i could just cut that out along with all memories of her.i know there is really nothing i can do in all this except take care of myself.sorry but i just needed to vent and writing makes me feel better.I know im not alone out there.
sandi2, you out there.Quick question.i seem to put my feelings right now in writing.i think i need to write a letter to the the w.not a sappy,begging letter to come back but a letter saying im done with all the [censored] and she can do what she wants and wont hear anything from me.Any feed back?
Well, Sandi's not here yet, but if she was I'm sure she'd advise you DO NOT SEND anything if you've got the bottle nearby. Go ahead, write the letter, but invoke the 24/48 hour rule and don't send it. Post it here, as journaling, if you want. I learned the hard way not to drink and dial/text/email. Peace.
I didn't think you were getting wasted, it was more of a guideline. 24/48 hour rule. Write it, don't send it. If it still looks good after 48 hours, maybe send it. Most of the time, I edit out more than 50%, or, I never send it at all. Peace.
Hi, I'm just reading your post and I agree with GL about not sending any letter, email, etc. You are in a lot of pain and should never opperate out of that kind of emotion. You want to send her this letter b/c you are wanting the pain to stop and this is the only way you know to make it go away. It's not the right answer. Wait for her to make the move toward divorce--or wait much later when you are not in this much pain and then think about what you really want to do. It is important that you are not acting out of a lot of emotion and can truly be completely detached. You aren't detached. It takes everyone different lengths of time......but you will know when it happen....and we can tell that you are not there yet.
I think you are right in that putting your words on paper may help you. However, there have been some to do that like in an email....then accidently hit the "send" key and not meaning for it to actually go to the WAS. Bad idea. If you want to put your feelings in a "letter" to her, I suggest you type it in the "word" document or some program other than email. That way there is no chance of sending it accidently.
It really is a bad idea to send any kind of letter. Please be stronger a little longer. Staying in that big house is doing a number on you. I wish there was somewhere else to stay or you had a friend to stay with you. I never could listen to music that it did not bring up some kind of memory. You have to do what you have to do to keep going.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Well I didn't send the letter.Anyway just had dinner with the in-laws.W didn't know not that it matters.My in-laws still love me very much and tell me they are on my side.They don't understand why w is doing this.Anyway on way home I get text from w asking if I could do brakes on her car.She is taking trip with the kids.I haven't texted her back yet.Part of me wants to tell her to go and spend double the money to have them done at mechanics shop.I fell like telling her to have the om do them.I 'm a little confused on what to tell her.Should I be the bas***d and tell her no?Maybe it is just about her saving money?The end of the text said If I still wanted to fix them? I told her months ago that I would but things have changed now.
