Warning: I'm in a funky mood this afternoon. Ugh. There are moments, few and far between, when I'm tempted to try again. Put the past behind us, and really try again. Those moments last about 15 minutes. Then the Fear comes back, and I'm paralyzed. Do I give H any credit for making changes? Nope. Am I happy with the person I see in the mirror? Double nope. I feel like such a fraud. Today I had an image of a burned piece of wood. Blackened. Changed at the molecular level. No matter how badly it wants to be a 2x4, it's not gonna happen. I know, I know, that burned piece of wood still has value, and can become something that an un-burned piece of wood could not. I will move ahead when I accept what is, instead of what I wish was. Most of the time it works, it's much harder on the tug-of-war days. Like today.
