Kassie, Im not taking steps to make any big decisions or moves. I dont know what else to do but go dark again. I think that honestly if I do that I may never hear from him again! And Im not sure that I exactly want to! Just so he can waffle some more? Screw around with my head a little more?
He has always had this way of doing things, he tries the easy way and if its going to be hard, he gives up, if something takes extra tending, or nursing or work, he wont do it. As an example, he had a ferret once that got sick, he wouldnt drink water or eat, H just let him die. He wouldnt take him to the vet to be put down, he wouldnt use a syringe to offer him water, he just let him waste away. I just always thought that our marriage, and me, was more important than a ferret.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
I just was going through the caller ID missed calls and saw that H called. Last friday at 8pm. I have no idea where I was 8 pm last friday... But when I go back and read my thread, it was the day he told me he was confused... hmm. Im glad I missed his call, I dont think I would have been able to be cool on that one.
I sort of had this glimmer of hope until I realized what day he made the call, oh well. I am still more than a little curious about what he would have had to say.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
in all of my drama lately i think i have missed your recent events. seems he is pulling back again?
u are going dark now right? so u arent going to call or contact him?
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
I am going dark. He said he is confused, and having doubts... So yes hes pulling back. I have texted him once in the last 9 days, just to tell him that a friend of his dropped some guns and ammo off at the house.
This is the guy who H lived with when he moved out, before he was transferred. And now this guy is getting ready to be transferred, so about 2 weeks ago I said that he could bring the stuff here until H got back, Im kind of disgusted that H would leave crap at a friends house in the first place, but thats a different story. Other than that, I have had no contact.
Anyway, off to Anchorage, Im hitting the malls!
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
You know I have absolutely no idea about piecing, but do you think he got scared or something? Things sounded like they were going so well for you so quickly. I know they always say baby steps with piecing and you have to be careful not to go too quickly and all. Not to defend him or anything; I know how frustrating that must be!!! Hope you have a great time shopping! Karen
I think that maybe thats it, that he got scared, I dont know. I was wondering if maybe the dog drama did him in. I dont know how we could have gone too fast, we didnt even see each other! Things were only on friendship terms, with some occassional flirting, maybe only twice.
He was pretty chatty yesterday, more so than hes been since he sttarted having doubts infact, but I was too busy to sit on the phone with him, and a good half of my trip home was through mountains with no cell service, so it helped me to stay a little dim.
Im going to keep him at a distance though, its funny, this time his rejection didnt make me distraught like last time, but boy oh boy, did it make me mad! I actually feel good about that.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
Well, H texted me again last night. Its like he just wants to chat, sort of the way it started out before he said he wanted to try again. Im not initiating any of the contact, im still more than a little salty with him. I feel like I need a break, or something. Maybe a haircut.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
If it helps any... b/c of my H's drinking he waffled a lot and quitting was all he knew how to do. My approach was a combination of letting him make the contact first, I would be pleasant for the call, avoid relationship talk, and not encourage any thing else. If he brought up R talk, I would suggest we talk about it later. If he pushed me to meet him I would agree but somewhere public and quick. When he asked to move forward, I gave him an honest... not yet. My requests for him were simple... no drinking, and not arguing, and finally consistency.
It is close to going dark with 180's as I said above. I was trying to shape our R through reinforcement. I also added this - if the convo went well, I let it go on a little longer and the next contact I picked up right away. If the convo was not going well I cut it short, and would purposedly miss the next call 1X.
I would also suggest you read up on Alcoholism to see if there is a match between his behavior and your concerns to the experience you have now.
Neither of us bring up R talk. I feel like if he is coming back around I need to be really careful. I think that this might be our last chance, probably by my choice, but I really need to not screw up this time.
My DB and SSM books came in the mail today, I had checked DB out a few times from the library, it will be nice to have my own copy, I wont have to feel pressured to finish it.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
You are putting too much pressure on yourself. It takes two to have a MR, it is not entirely up to you to do things any particular way. R's are not math equations. In the DB book it talks about making mistakes and learning to put them behind you and try again.
And just an aside, I thought your H was the one who screwed up -not you?
Last friday at 8pm. I have no idea where I was 8 pm last friday... But when I go back and read my thread, it was the day he told me he was confused... hmm. Im glad I missed his call, I dont think I would have been able to be cool on that one.