I wish I was quicker to 'think on my feet' when the sitch arises. I'm always afraid I'm going to say or do the wrong thing.
B/c you are worried what HE will say/do in response. The questions is whether a given comment/action is right FOR YOU. To he!! with what H might think or do. As long as you are doing the right thing for you, his reaction doesn't matter. Work on detaching and this will come.
B/c you are worried what HE will say/do in response. The questions is whether a given comment/action is right FOR YOU. To he!! with what H might think or do. As long as you are doing the right thing for you, his reaction doesn't matter. Work on detaching and this will come.
GIMA - I think I'm actually getting better with not worrying about his response, to an extent. I worry about doing/saying the wrong thing in relation to working toward my goal of saving my M. Just like this morning and my response to not texting him back yesterday. Sometimes it feels like I keep tripping over my own feet.
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
B/c you are worried what HE will say/do in response. The questions is whether a given comment/action is right FOR YOU. To he!! with what H might think or do. As long as you are doing the right thing for you, his reaction doesn't matter. Work on detaching and this will come.
Yes. This, exactly.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
Puppy (I think) told me early on a good guide is to do/say what you think would be appropriate if God were standing next to you.
It just sounds like you are concerned that something you do will cause your H to react a certain way. I really understand why you would feel that way (we all do), but since your H controls how he handles a given comment/action (and IMHO, he is extremely immature in that regard), then HE still has some control over you if he knows he can upset you if he does/says a certain thing. Trust me, he is looking for those types of things and will continue to do them as long as he thinks he can get a reaction out of you. So, just do/say what you think is appropriate if God were standing next to you and you can't go wrong.
Right or wrong here's what I did today. Arrived home from work and H starts the lovey-dovey stuff and I couldn't take it. I told H that an emotional affair is not acceptable in our M. He denied having an affair. I explained the definition of an emotional affair to him (giving his emotions to someone other than myself, his wife). I told him I was aware of the pet name he is now using for her. H denied it repeatedly. The accusations started, which I ignored for the most part. H continued to deny, defend, accuse etc... I left. Maybe not what I am supposed to do, but I felt I had to.
I get out of my massage and received a text from H. I'm thinking "oh God, here we go." H asked if I wanted to join him at the tattoo place to watch him get his tattoo cause they hadn't started yet. ????????
I have not yet responded. I'm thinking a response of "thank you but I won't be able to make it.
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
Because of her my S has no respect for his father.
Because of her my H is no longer the honorable man I married.
Because of her I am living a nightmare.
Because of her my H no longer shares his emotions with me.
That tells you what kind of person she is. Do you really think she gives a donkey's tail flip about what she's doing to your M, your S or your H? Don't lower yourself to her level. You have more class than that!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
