Sandi2, Coach, Puppy and Gucci help!

[The Wifey]

Wifey,

Thanks. I need help toning down my response but don't want to get walked over either.

Put away the big guy tent. She is in total upset mode and you are afraid of getting walked over? Stop that for just a second.

The best response to a nasty text, voice mail, conversation, email is dead silence. No need to go to war. It doesn't help either side and nothing gets resolved this way.

So looking at your post am I to understand that it ok for her to be irrational in the way she request something from me or responds to me and that I should just ignore her hoopla.

She IS Going to be unreasonable as long as she thinks you are going to fight her every step of the way. And no, you don't have to ignore it. Respond, but not in kind.

If she is curt and nasty, you be that much more civil. If she wants to goad you into a fight you let her know you will talk to her at a time when she is under control. Time out, can't talk now, I'll talk to you when you can talk to me calmly. Say it once and if it continues you say goodbye.

I'm trying to establish some livable boundries for myself and be resonable with her.

These words sound great, but what you sent had a few digs in there to "get her." That isn't any more reasonable that the whole sitch.

She has talk up the 50/50 legal side in the past but when I try to get some close to that she alway reverts back to the money.

And every time you send a zinger it will come up again.

Do you think the message you just sent put you closer to or farther away from that?

Farther...but it seem like everything does , thats why I have not been responding back to her on anything, ecept the kids.

So you knew it would put you farther away, but because you assume everything does you decided to go for it?

Come on, now. What you wanted to say was reasonable, minus the zingers. If you are going to respond to anything, write it and then put it aside. DO NOT ever do this when you are emotional. Go back and look at it and write it as politely as if you are sending it to a customer.

With respect, with her and your dignity intact.

Please understand most of her text was poppy cock. She told D 6 6 weeks ago she was going to buy her a cell phone. Never happened. She said she would visit evey other weekend with them and give me a break. She has offer to help out financial with D 14 marching band requirements. None of it has happened . It all about convience to her.

I know, I know. But you are going to be the bigger person here. Because that is best for everyone concerned, especially your kids.

I highly doubt it is all about convenience, either. I think its more about reality hitting home. There are bills she has to pay, thus the 80 hour weeks, and things are harder than she imagined they would be.

Let her reality work in YOUR favor by being the better person. Be nice. Play nice. Insist on nice.

My response didn't seem to jabby to me, but I'm here to learn. I guess I'm still trying to understand what she wants exactly.

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