We've ML once recently, W initiated things so that wasn't too bad. I tried again the following night and got a sharp rebuttle, so that put me back in my place I've not tried since.
Good for you! Focus on the wonderful part that she initiated, and realize that this one time doesn't mean "full steam ahead". Baby steps, as always - but that is one NICE baby step you had! Smile!
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
I’ve not posted for a couple of weeks but I guess I can just pick up from where I left off on my last post.
Yesterday W ask for an early night and although we clashed verbally during the day, and despite me being late home for dinner which annoyed her we did have that early night. We ML, which was good, but not exciting, W has gone back to laying still, staying silent and letting me get on with it. The only instruction I get “is to take my time”. I tend to hurry up when I hear her snoring cos I think she’s had enough. W doesn’t really talk to me in detail about sx but she insists she enjoys it with me and she says she isn’t snoring or sleeping she’s just resting her eyes. But all despite this it’s better that getting nothing at all, things should improve with time.
Last week W, D7 and I went out of town to visit W friends, a four hour drive became 6 as for the first time ever I had to use a breakdown service. My car has an electronic park brake and I err… dropped the park brake fuse behind the fuse panel and couldn’t reach it. This only happened cos D7 portable DVD player or Nintendo blew a fuse in the car and dopey old me was trying to find the blown fuse without the car hand book, unfortunately I pulled out the wrong fuse and dropped it. The recovery man had a good laugh about it but it didn’t detract from what was an enjoyable weekend.
On Monday evenings W and I have established a routine of dropping D7 off at her dance class then both of us going to the gym together, W seems to like this gym session as I am there with her to give her advice and encouragement. D7 on the other hand is doing very well at dance and has taken her Silver awards in Latin and Ballroom and a Bronze award in Disco. The dance class had an open session for the parents to view and D7 surprised us as she is a lot better than we both thought she was. Her school work especially maths (which was very poor) is improving, she’s not likely to be top of the class but she does try really hard and I’m very pleased with that.
As for me I’m toying with the idea of a new hobbie, I may buy a new bike and start cycling on the roads, not Tour de France standard or anything like that, but it’s another option of exercise if running on the roads gets too much for me. Also I can take part in the annual 60 mile charity bike ride which a number of my work colleagues did this year, hearing them all talk about it made me feel I missed out on something.
So overall all it’s calm at home, no craziness from W, and I’ll probably update you all in a couple of weeks time.
We ML, which was good, but not exciting, W has gone back to laying still, staying silent and letting me get on with it.
Do you offer to let her drive and you relax a bit? I've learned that lets the lady get to her happy moment much easier.
Lan, I am like you (and most guys) - good sex is pretty darn important. But not just the physical feeling. The expressing of ones love through very personal intimacy with our partner is perhaps some of the most happiness one can experience in life.
Do you read any of the sex starved marriage forum?
W is one of the 12% of women that never get to that happy place during LM or with manual stimulation, she maybe gets about 75% of the way there and apparently that is good enough for her. When I’ve tried to discuss it in the past she gets all defensive, says I’m obsessed about it and changes the subject. Anyway I’m not going to make that the focus of my strides forward, as I’ve got other things going on, but I do concur with your views on wanting to express love through personal intimacy.
I’ve read stuff in the SSM forum but I guess poor sex is a bi product of a poor relationship. So if we can repair the relationship the sex should follow.
I dont know if it is always a bi-product of a poor relationship. I had a GF a long time ago and we got along so well together as best friends - 2 peas in a pod. However, when I orally stimuated her to the point of reaching her happy place, she would curl up in a ball as if in shame about feeling so good. Which left me unfulfilled and asking in a funny timid voice... "What about me?"
I've been on these boards just short of 2 years now (27/08/09)and I was thinking of calling it quits as life at home has fallen into a pattern of normality D7 is grow fast and is great fun as she finds her own independance. W is W and her drama episodes have dropped to a minimum, and apart from no intermacy I'm doing ok. W has a sick note cos of a couple of womens problems Prob1Prob2 , and these are brought about because of all of the meds she has to take, but really I am doing fine. W is frustrated by all of this but in her own way she is doing ok as well.
I thought I better stick around longer cos there are good friends who are still fighting the good fight and others who just need to hear a friendly word in their ear. So I'll pass the 2 year mark and will be here most days. If anyone needs an update just drop me a line and I'll respond. But as I said I'm doing ok, and the family is ok.
Hey Lan, Thanks for sticking around. Glad you are hanging in buddy. I have a couple of buddies who started cycling a few years ago and now are nuts about it. Shave their legs and all that. Anyhow, I kind of regret not getting into it. do it Lan, I understand it is very therapeutic. John
Before I splash the cash on a new racing bike I decided to get my old one out of the shed and go for a ride, I managed about 12 miles in pretty good time, the only draw back was the pain in the a** I suffered, I must remember to get some padded shorts before I go out again.
I’ve got a mini project going of repairing a cell phone I bought off ebay. £63.00 for the phone, £9.00 for new case, £4.00 for new screw drivers. Total £76 outlay, the value of the phone if I was to resell would be £150+. A nice profit if I want it but I’m gonna keep the phone cos it’s a good one.
All is quiet on the home front. W,D7 and I are all going to visit one of W friends at the weekend as she is having a party for the 3yo foster child she is having to give up. He is up for full adoption now and It’s going to be a sad day for all concerned as she’s had him since he was a baby and he has really become part of their family. We’ll all be sorry to see him go.
I’ve got a business trip to China coming up at the end of the month last time in China was 4 years ago (just before the bomb). I love travel, love Hong Kong, but not too keen on mainland China, but it’s a job, and I’m just visiting factories and sitting in on meetings so I shouldn’t grumble.
Sorry it's all relatively ordinary stuff going on but I hope it stays that way for now.
I almost bought a bike when before I left for vacation. One with two seats, one for me and one for my D. My S can ride ok and would follow me. stbxH sent a lot of extra money when I asked for more while I was on vacation. Maybe I will get that bike anyway
We can all appreciate "normal". It's what we came here looking for. xxx K
