I _think_ I've been doing okay but today (first day back at work after a two week break) I find myself in a weird position - I can't spend all my time and efforts on the sitch!
Good to see you as always...I don't get online on Sunday since I don't have a computer set up at my brothers' house...I am happy to hear you had a good weekend but sorry you had to clean
Mine was good but long...Yesterday was a down day for me for whatever reason, I thought by going to Church I would be able to shake it off but I wasn't able to...
Today is a better day...At my old job after a 2 month break so that is a good thing...I need to make a list of goals for myself but hell just breathing is hard enough some days...
I hope you have a fantastic Monday...
Big Hugs
Here is something I read this weekend:
The strength of what we believe is measured by how much we are willing to suffer for those beliefs.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
You seem to be the only rock in my little world, I hope I'm managing to reciprocate to you.
Glad to see you did something other than work for a few dollars I'm also glad to know you didn't have a PC otherwise reading my $h1t would have given you a bigger downer. We seem to be in sync somehow! A 2 month break - you lucky LUCKY person. Goals are a good thing. Mine are to ephemeral to grasp at the moment. I'll have a long think over the coming weekend and compare notes
I've noticed in looking at Newcomers that it seems that the person writing the thread is staring at the thing in the hope that someone will pop in and offer AT LEAST words of encouragement. Your quote being one of them - thanks from the bottom of my heart for that Serenity Suffer - good grief I'm going to be the world's strongest man! - Truly appreciated.
I honestly don't know what is wrong with either me or my sitch that no-one apart from you seems to reply, approve, disapprove etc. (Sorry Gardener, K4D, Kittyfish - don't mean to include you in the above tirade).
Maybe it's because I seem to be doing okay. Maybe it's because of the time difference and my posts drift down to the bottom of the pile. Maybe it's because there are so few "good guys" they are spread so thin and take on the neediest cases first. Maybe, maybe, maybe.
Now I feel I really WON'T have any help. Ahhhh bollocks.
JHC guys - I'M TRYING. It would be so good for someone that's been through something similar, with experience, and succeeded to offer a glimmer of their knowledge.
Today is a prime example of the cr@p I just can't get a handle on!! ...
Text messages this morning .....
Beautiful day for a beautiful girl! Hon, can u meet at pet shop? Would love u 2 choose new buddy 4 stick (the surviving fish who is doing so well now his dead friend is out of the picture - is there a moral here?) . Hang in there sweetpea. Things R coming right. Hugs & biggest X ever!
Ken, I am not in richwood. I am in durbanville. Sorry you are going to have to choose the fish yourselve.
(Why the heck tell me she's moved - why does she give a damn to tell me and what am I supposed to do with the info - ride off into the sunset looking for her?)
Not a problem honey. Gonna clean up 2night anyway. Got knocked off bike and collected a load of grass! He'll wait & so will I. Have a lekke day sweet. Hugs
At least I won't have to wash the jeans :-) they r in the bin ruined ;-)~
And the reply - absolutely f all!
1. W has a job. 2. Has moved and now away from friends crap (really) 3. At least getting replies - but seems to be nice when I do something for her and crappy when I ask her for help in any way. 4. Friend told go-between to keep W's job secret!
She's turned from being a black hole - nothing coming back total indiferance - to wobbling between being "nice and polite" to a childish b!tch
Guys if you could PLEASE read my posts over the last few days and give some sort of feedback, I'd be truly appreciated and will name my first born after you.
Sorry to vent - I just cant see the wood from the tree's.
Serenity - a pat on the head from you will do
Cheers - now to go cook Fish Fingers and Chips (French Fries to you lot;) )
I'm so new at all of this and haven't even read the books, so I don't think I'm in any place to offer advice.
Re: her job - while it's possible that she is being selfish about wanting her job income PLUS full maintenance for you, it's also very likely that she needs every cent at present just to get established and stable. You know her and your sitch far better than I do, but I might let the secret job thing ride for just a bit until such a point as she could be reasonably considered to be standing on her own two feet.
My H has been absolutely wonderful about the child support, and while I would dearly love to tell him he can stop paying it to ease the financial stress on him, doing so too quickly and getting myself into a financial emergency as a result doesn't do good things for any of us.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
I know how rough it can be somedays. Just keep your chin up and believe in the best. I have learned a technique that work quite well. When I start to dwell on my sitch, I press the left side of my temple, as if there is an invisible off button. This helps me to refocus on good thoughts or something completely different rather than the negative thought process I'm stuck in (turn it off, refocus and play something positive for awhile). It takes a while to adapt to but seems to be effective.
I've also found that when I drift back into the sitch and need a distraction I drop and do twenty push up or more ( close to fifty at a time now). A little bit of exercise never hurts!
Just some food for thought. Stay strong PMA and NO FEAR 24/7!
M (46) W (45) S (17) D (14) D (6) T (20) M (17) Seperated 3/2009 . When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:2
Yes you are a rock in my world as well and I truly appreciate you and your support
As for your wife...I hate to say this but since it was said to me (I was so guilty of this) I will pay it forward to you....Stop looking for any sign in anything she does (good or bad)...
She has a new job - Good for her...
She moved - Good for her...
She and "friend" are taking a break for her to think - Good for her...
None of these things affect you unless you allow them to...
You are supposed to be focusing on you and you alone, if she comes along that is wonderful, if not you are a better man for someone else in your journey through life...
I know (trust me on this) it is easier said then done but it does have to be done otherwise it will just eat at you...
Stop doing things for her...She wanted this, she chose this...Let her do it alone...Don't be her back-up...My Pastor told me last week - God doesn't want you to be second best...Remember that my friend
I know how hard this is...When I saw hubby on Saturday, I just wanted to tell him come home so I could take care of him however this is his journey to make...He has to come to that conclusion (whatever that may be) on his own and all I can do is pray for him...
You are in my heart & prayers as well...(((Hugs)))
**Learn to get in touch with silence within yourself, and know that everything in this life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from.** Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
It's 6:37 here on a slightly chilly day in Cape Town. I _think_ I'm over my "wobbler". Thank G it's only once in a while.
Dia - thanks for your post. Remember that everyone has a gem of support and insight hidden inside them. Don't keep them in - share. Thanks for sharing yours with me.
You said [e]exactly[/i] the right thing. I had decided to keep quiet. I had decided to support her. If it's the only thing she will let me do for her. I'l do it. With a smile on my face and a song in my heart. And she'll see it and she'll know why I'm doing it - for her and us. She was in a really bad way financially - the requests for cash have stopped now. We are supposed to meet to discuss maintenance before 28th (pay day). Let's see if she contacts me to do this.
Bravehardt: Found the switch! Do all guys have this built-in?
Serenity: Morning honey.
You are right - everything that happens has a purpose. I now see I actually brought that on myself for texting her in the first place. BTW - I don't think she has moved. She just said she was in Durbanville - not that she was living there. A little later I got e-mail from my/our medical aid (she's still on it). The W bought something small from a pharmacy in Bothasig - right round the corner from where we live. I could have gone OFF at her for lying - but then realized that she didn't actually lie. Remember she is a wonderful Afrikaans woman - I'm a plonker of an Englishman. Sometimes things get screwed in the phrasing.
Serenity, I've been told by one very good freind, that she DOES know I love her. she DOES know I'm here for her, she DOES know she can come back, she DOES know I'm improving day-by-day. Rubbing her nose in it isn't going to help in any way.
What I do intend to do is steer clear of texting anything that could be considered pressurizing and instead, carry on with the odd one with positives.
The next one will be along the lines of -
"Morning honey. Another beautiful day sent to a beautiful woman. U r still a pain in the a$$ but what a wonderful one. Hugs."
Short sweet and to the point - much better than ranting and raving.
I understand exactly why you wanted to say all those things to your H that we all desire to do so very much.
I think so, Might be an old remote from the 80s. Have a great day.
M (46) W (45) S (17) D (14) D (6) T (20) M (17) Seperated 3/2009 . When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:2
Bravehardt -you don't think I'd wreck a new one do you?
On a serious note one and all - The phone calls looking for Mrs Elsebe Vervoer (Elsebe Vervoer is my W's old company that went bang) are really getting to me for historical reasons. If my W thinks running away from these people will work I suspect she will be mistaken.
I really feel like I should take this up with her as it could be a big reason why she skipped (it was last time).
How would you suggest I do this? Tell her about the calls? Should I? Is it up to her to realize I'll stick with her through thick and thin?
If this isn't pressure she could do without I don't know what is.
Kept busy, not really thinking of anything to do with sitch until I start home (early day WaHay!).
Seriously thinking about buying another fishy friend for Stick - he looks just like me. Swimming round trying to find something/someone that's not there and not knowing what to do about it. (Sod all).
May just send one of two text messages (no idea which one if any)
1. Hi honey, would still love you to choose a new friend for Stick (and me). Feeling up to the challenge? Hugs and small x on cheek.
2. Got new friend for Stick. Looks lost, very beautiful, big ass and seems to know she's in a good home. Bit like you honey :-) Hugs and HUGE x's
Don't forget that this is the week that W and H is supposed to get together for finance talks. I'm just sitting on my a$$ waiting for it. If it doesn't come what the heck should I do? I feel a great desire to just pay if that's all she'll let me do.
Going to hit what's left of the free whiskey with a mate of mine and ruminate.
Oh - a bit of good news - the "crud" I bought early this month before finding the safe haven of the DB website is being refunded by the shyster!
Gentle perseverance DOES work. I shall apply that lesson with my dealings with the W
So - what's it going to be 1, 2 or none of the above? (There is no prize for getting the correct answer!)
