Another Waw

[Refuse to quit]

PROGRESS!!
Well yesterday on the exchange with the kids the W asked where I was going to take them. I told her the park. She said she did not want to go. Well I am putting out S in the car and she notices the new car seat that she asked me to get last visit.(I had a booster seat and we found out that he is not yet big enough for it) She made a big deal out of the fact that I had gotten it for him. I told her "I listened to you and know that it is important." That was all I said about it. But could tell in her expression and voice that it was a big deal to her. When getting in the car to leave I rolled down the window so our S could say goodbye to W. First thing he said was "Mom come with us." She said no and then after he asked her again she said "Okay I will come for a few minutes." That few minutes turned into an hour. I never brought up the R or the pending D. Just kept it all on the kids. When leaving I opened the car door for her and told her thanks for comming. Later in the day when I dropped the kids off she acted like none of this was even going on. It made me wonder why it still is. This was the most normal she has acted around me the whole time. Like nothing was going on other than she lives in another place. I felt like this was a huge step. I really hope it continues that she goes places with us so she can see for herself if these things are "real or not." I am ready for her if she decides to retreat a bit tomorrow when we exchange the kids. I will let her go. If not then hopefully things will continue to progress. Thanks for your help guys. I am keeping it up.
RTQ

[Refuse to quit]

Things keep getting better or so they seem. Yesterday when exchanging the kids W was very pleasant. When I was dropping the kids back off to her she was in no rush at all to leave. She literally sat in the back of her car as I put the kids in and wanted to talk about the kids etc. The R did not come up at least by me. It did by her a little. She commented on how I have treated her and the kids and the fact that she feels like I have been extremely warm, positive, friendly, caring etc. to them. I asked her why she would expect anything different? She pulled the card and said "Because we are going through a divorce." I said "oh well that does not change things for me as far as how I treat someone," and I left it at that. I feel like maybe she has been thinking I would be a jerk to her or something and nice to the kids. Who knows. She ended up sitting there talking to me for about 45 minutes. I feel like the ship is turning but feel like we are turning the Titanic here. I even joked about one of her sisters and she was joking right along. I almost didn't do it because I thought it might seem like an attack but not after the reaction I got from her. I left wondering why we are still living apart and this process is proceeding. I guess if I am thinking this maybe she is too. I don't get to see her or the kids now for 5 days and plan to not call or have any contact during that time unless she initiates it. I feel like some of this things I have seen her do and say over the past few weeks here are things she would have never done a month ago. So I do think it is progress. Just wish all of this stuff would end and she would come back. The games are getting really old. I appreciate all of the advice guys and gals.
RTQ

[Refuse to quit]

Just doing a bit of journaling I guess. Went the whole weekend without any contact at all. Have not heard nor seen the wife and kids since last Thurs. It is really hard. I knew I would be okay on Fri. and Sat. (spent time with family), but knew Sun. and Mon. would be hard. I am not going to call or try to "check in." I really hope she starts to pick up the rope to see if I am still there. I feel like should she try I need to make myself unavailable. I hate these games. Seems so high school to me. I can really look at where we are now and truly think we are in a better place than where we were a month ago. I have been trying to prepare myself telling myself over and over that yesterday and today would be hard, but it is hard to talk yourself out of it when you are in the middle of it. I can't wait to get back home tonight and get out and do some things. Tons easier than being here at work.
RTQ

[Refuse to quit]

Rough day yesterday. W bombed out on going out with my sister and the kids. Was hoping that would be an avenue of things getting better. Did not work out though. At work I was then notified that my Bil that I work with has asked that I get moved to another office. I have only been here 6 years. Was then driving home from work as I left early because I don't want to be here anymore and I got hit in my car by an old man and his wife who was not paying attention. I was so hoping that someone would be there for me last night at home. Man is this hard. I hate being alone.

[InLikeFlynn]

Can the BIL actually move you or just request. Who outranks who??

[Refuse to quit]

When he is married to the bosses daughter then yes he can. It sucks. I feel like I have so much going on I don't need this too. But there is nothing I can do about it. I feel like there is no part of my life that is stable right now.
So yesterday I am getting the kids and S wants to go inside McD's. W says "I will just help get you guys across the parking lot." Then once inside it was "I will help you get seated with the kids and then go." Then "I will just wait until you guys are done eating." Then "I will help you guys outside to the playland." etc. etc. I was not asking her any of this. Like "Why are you still here?" She was just telling me this on her own. To make the story shorter she stayed for an hour and a half. I don't get it. I hate the mixed signals. Is this her questioning her decision? I feel like it is. I am not sure though. I don't want to make more of this than it is. When at the car I put the kids in and she has me start rubbing her back while she says a 10 minute (I looked) goodbye to the kids. She then looks at me and smiles and says "I'm not leaving," and I said "oh do you miss this?" She says "Yeah I do." Guys and gals I need advice here. Are these the signs of changes I should be looking for? Why would she want to spend so much time with me and the kids if we are 1/2 way through a D that she filed? Is this really her testing the waters? I feel like it is.
RTQ

[givingitmyall]

Are these the signs of changes I should be looking for? Why would she want to spend so much time with me and the kids if we are 1/2 way through a D that she filed? Is this really her testing the waters? I feel like it is.

It MIGHT be. I don't think you should change what you are doing. If she does tell you she has changed her mind, do not jump all over it at once. She needs to want to come back. And you have to decide what you want going forward from her.

[Refuse to quit]

I feel like I want to work on us. I wonder sometimes if I could ever forgive her family for how they have treated me. I am definitely going to keep doing what I have been. It seems to be working. She would have never spent time with me and the kids a month and a half ago. GIMA Thanks It is good to hear.
RTQ

[Coach]

RTQ, I think she is thawing. I don't know you whole sitch, are you dealing with a OM? What is her body language like? Is she holding eye contact with you? Spending time with you is big, is one of her LLs QT? Keep doing what you are doing.
Cheers

[Refuse to quit]

Thanks coach. There is not a OM involved. She does hold eye contact with me when we are there together. I know the time thing is big. I feel like there has to be more of that before things really start moving but it is not up to me. She did mention to me about a month before she left that she wanted more quality time with me. So I did not think of it that way but maybe this is filling her need that she had wanted. I would think this quality time just us and the kids together. We do not get into deep topics and I try to keep it all on the kids or light things. I do not talk about the R anymore at all and haven't for a couple of weeks. I have seen where that gets me. Again thanks coach.
RTQ