Partner left after 9 yrs - 18months on, reunited !

[AliSuddenly]

Hello everyone! I've been busy, packing up my house and decorating, I am moving back in with him this week and it all seems to be going well.

Yes, it was a shock to see Helen! I was shaking for half an hour afterwards! I just wish I got a good look at her, but I didnt. He was VERY depressed the next day or two, But my intuition was right.. she DID contact him Monday, at his desk, at 10 am!! He admitted he got an "abusive" phonecall from her, that she was very nasty, calling him names, after asking if it WAS me and if we were back together. She ended the call with a - I dont want anythning more to do with you or to see you ever again (cool, result!), but I havent been nervous or insecure about her anyway, Saturday was the first time they had spoken since they split.

He told me that he ended it by saying he didnt feel the same way about her and that she was very upset. Again, a MF's gf volunteered stuff about Helen, that she was a very odd girl, wierd.. not right for him, you could tell, that she had wanted to discuss her R with this gf after meeting her only once, saying it was very hard for her and not going well as her bf (now mine!) was not over his ex and still had feelings for her.

I asked bf about this and he said he hadnt discussed me with her, but it must have been her intuition as he wasnt over me. He has moaned since the phonecall "she hates me.. you know how I cant stand for people to not like me".. but he realises its understandable, she got hurt. I then told him, that everytime I meet people they tell me stuff about her without me asking and I have NEVER heard a good word said about her.. that her hating you says more about the kind of person she is than that you are a hateful person. He agreed and also that she was not a very enlightened person and that she shouted at him alot!! I said, WTF were you doing, she doesnt sound that nice, he agreed that in hindsight he realised that she wasnt.

I asked him how come it took him so long to come back to me and how come I didnt see him from Aug-Mar bar once, he said there was never any control at all from her, not at all, he just didnt know what he was doing, or who he was even.. and added as a final overriding explanation "You know, I was in hell".. I said, I DID know! I told everyone that and thats how I defended your actions and thats why everyone has been so understanding/forgiving.

He also explained that he is very slow, that it takes him a long time to think and act and "for things to perculate through" he said, you know that.. and indeed I did! He said he is wrong to go around making his mind up and making decisions all by himself "without consulting anyone", that that is wrong and he needs to be more open and honest.

He said she did live at home and was only 28 (so 10 years younger than me!).

So lastly... its extrodinary, but he has said several times, that he basically didnt know who he was. He has also blurted out that me getting ill all the time "ground me down" and that it was hard on him and as he is the way he is, he couldnt cope with it.. and he worries about him being "hard work" now, as he knows what he would be like and how he would feel if he had to spend time with someone who was depressed (it has been VERY hard on me some days). He also said that "you stopped listening to me".

So seems he left me, partly because of his depression/flip out and also, I had been getting ill on and off for 4 years and that I stopped listening to him. I do now! He said I do, too much. I even let him choose the paint colours for the house, I let him make decisions now that I would've been more vocal about years back.