Wow, am I glad I stumbled upon this thread. SOOOO much of what trusting and Cat posted is so true of my situation too.
The alien at home. The spending. The moods. The anger. The emotional abuse. The rare windows of clarity when I took the chance to listen and validate. Then back to anger again"You have destroyed my life"!Awful to me, inconsistent with the kids. Or plain not there for any of us. Oh, and Mr Nice Guy once he steps outside the front door.
Yes, and he`s living at home too-me in the master bedroom him in the guestroom.
I think of this as a sickness-not just MLC anymore. Should I abandon him just because he`s sick? Or would he come to his senses if I threw him out? I don`t know.
I`ve made a LOT of progress since I started the DB journey. Loving detachment has been the very best thing for me. I`m also improving in so many ways and my life is filled with lots of happiness.
Still, the pain is there all the time.The fear that this will never work out.And the worry that I am making the right decisions for me and the children in all of this.
Can`t do that quote thing but Cat, you said:
"You wonder about how they can be miserable but no one knows. The MLCer, whether we like it or not, is a master at hiding the truth. I don't mean outright lies, but I would bet if you thought about your H and what you know about him from the beginning, you will realize that there has always been that "alter ego" that gets presented to the world. That is part of why this throws us for such a loop at the beginning (middle, bomb, who knows when it is that we find out LOL). I have actually gone places with H since the bomb and he had a scowl on his face and refused to speak, until some acquaintance walks up and then the smile and light appear until that person walked away. They are just very good at it and I truly believe it is when they can't hide from those of us who really do know them so well, that the bomb is dropped. Because they don't know what else to do at that point."
That rang so true for me in my M right now. As did so many other sentences from your posts.
TIF. this is not the worst journey is life. There are so many positives. One of them is finding who your true friends are, another is discovering your true self and another is finding people in similar situations on this board!
