Yep. He said it's just another day. He doesn't want or need anything. He'll work on his birthday on Friday and then I guess leave for the lake that evening.
Our oldest son works until 9 pm on Fridays. The youngest son leaves for church youth camp Sunday night so I'm hoping he'll come back in time to see him off!
I guess we can celebrate it Thursday night. It's just so weird. I'd planned on cooking him a very nice dinner Friday night etc. I'd even taken a half day of vacation on Friday! Guess I'll just use that time to work on the house.
After my stupid "I'm sorry" this morning. He said "You don't have anything to be sorry about." So who knows where his head is at?! Guess I'll just have to wait and see how he acts towards me tonight when I get home from working out.
There are no groceries in the house so I plan on getting out and getting that taken care of. It will at least get me out of the house.
Hindsight is 20-20 as they say but I guess my expectations were unrealistic but it seemed like you thought that we'd probably talk about everything when I got home from vacation as well. I guess I've learned he's still not in his "right mind" and I'm just going to have to be very careful and stay the course!
Who knows - maybe he's upset that I went down to the lake with my friends? He made the comment - you went to the lake for your birthday weekend.
I hadn't looked at the phone records in awhile. This through me back into looking. He did talk to our "friend" for a half hour on 6/13 when I went down to the lake by myself and then the following Wednesday on 6/17 for 64 minutes before I saw the phone call on my son's birthday on 6/29 for 59 minutes.
Nothing on the records since then. That was all before my vacation.
He did say that he meant what he said (phone call on vacation) that he thinks it's better to work on the marriage vs. being divorced for a lot of reasons (financially, kids, etc) he said no one wants to be divorced.
I don't know - I'm just going to have to take it one day at a time again. I think I just got my hopes up and thought he was to a place where he actually wasn't. If that makes sense.
It sounds to me like he's simply playing male pouty "tit-for-tat" since you went there on YOUR birthday.
I would suggest doing something SIMPLE on Thursday nite -- nothing elaborate or romantic. A nice card and gift from son(s), and a Shoebox-type card from you and a practical-ish gift. Nothing over-the-top or romantic.
On his actual birthday, a simple "Happy Birthday! Hope you have a good day" text maybe.
Isn't it amazing how easy things get screwed up? I really thought it was ok to ask him to talk about where we were going since supposedly we are trying to put the marriage back together and I thought you thought so too Puppy. I feel like I've been punched in the gut today.
Guess the good news is that I've learned I've just got to take what he says with a grain of salt. Stick to my plan of just working on myself and hoping he'll be encouraged to do the same. And certainly having NO EXPECTATIONS!!!
My big worry today is that he may come back and say because I want to talk about the relationship every night (not true) that he's done or moving out - which he threatened both last night. However, he did say that he meant what he said when he called me while I was on vacation. So I'm really hoping this is just a temporary setback and he'll cut me some slack.
I can't wait for this day to be over - I think I won't be able to relax until I see how he is tonight. It just feels like I'm starting all over again and that's what makes me sick to my stomach!
Guess the good news is that I've learned I've just got to take what he says with a grain of salt. Stick to my plan of just working on myself and hoping he'll be encouraged to do the same. And certainly having NO EXPECTATIONS!!!
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I think I won't be able to relax until I see how he is tonight.
Reread your last post. The focus was all on your husband, if he does this then I'll be OK. (co-dependent thinking) Be relaxed for yourself. You are responsible for your own happiness. You can handle it. Cheers Coach
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Good point. I'll be fine with or without him. I have a great base of friends (he does not). I had a great time with my two best girlfriends this weekend at the lake. It was just disheartening today to feel like all your hard work went down the drain. I think this may have been a powerplay by him in hindsight.
On a positive note - Working out after work. I've now walked 163.6 miles since March! Down 15 pounds and on my way down one pants size and hope to be down another in 3 or 4 weeks.
When I decided that I would "stay" at home.....I was not in any mood to discuss it. He may think that deciding to just stay in the M and not get D is enough for now. I was the "talkative" type and yet I had nothing to say! I was all talked out. I had been trying to tell my H what I needed for YEARS.....but it did no good. I don't know that your H has tried to tell you or not....just saying that he may see "staying" as "working". At the time, I felt that was all I could do. I had to reach what I call the point to be willing "to be willing" and it took quite a while before that actually kicked in. I even tried to tell myself that I was trying to "work".....when all I was doing was staying here. But to me....that was work!
As for the birthday, I agree with Puppy. Kind of be prepared to have a simple BD dinner for just your family.....but don't get upset if he decides to leave and stay gone for the entire weekend. Don't be surprised if he doesn't come back to see child off to camp b/c the way he probably looks at that is that it's not that big of a deal. He can't think....he's fogged out!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
That was really helpful - lots of great insight there. Thanks Sandi!
My H was actually very pleasant and helpful last night. When I came home from the grocery store he was getting the trash ready to go out. We actually cleaned out the refrigerator together.
And then wow tragedy struck - my husband's best friend called. Our friend (his best friend's wife - the couple going through the divorce and then one my H has spent so much time on the phone with)tried to kill herself last night. She left a note that no one loved her - her children, husband etc.
She wouldn't talk to her H and would only talk to my H. So I went with my H to the hospital last night (she didn't know I was there). My H said he was so angry for putting himself in this position (getting caught between the two of them). He said he really is the only friend she has. He doesn't think she's opened up at all to her mother or sister. I'm hoping she'll get the help she needs now. Her therapist had told her she only needed to see him/her every other week. Boy - did that therapist miss this!
Long story short, my H was so appreciative of the support I showed him. He thanked me for who I am last night which really meant a lot. He kept apologizing for the situation last night as well.
Went to bed with a migraine and woke up with it again this morning. I am very concerned for her and my heart breaks that it came to his. Her H is so cold-hearted! I'm very concerned for their children (teenagers)as well.
