I get the "anonamous" aspect of confiding in a stranger. Heck, I guess that's what I am doing here.
That leads me to today's struggle. I want nothing more than to be able to tell my H the things I say on this board. I feel like that is what I am supposed to do. He should be the one that I disclose my inner most feelings to. Am I off base here?
Yet, if I do, especially since my feelings lately are hurt and pain related to betrayal, I will piss him off, he will back away, because he doesnt' want to deal with the damage that's left on my heart. Because his guilty is easier dealt with by avoidance.
So what does that say about the depth of his feelings? Not too sure, but seem like maybe not as deep as I would wish.
I spent last evening with my BFF and her child and my H and our kids. Went to dinner. I just could help but notice how BFF and H are actually sitting closer together than he and I and I can't help but think how easily replaceable I am. And how, now that I know how BOTH of these people can lie to me to my face, do I know that they weren't hooking up on those nights when he hadn't found a place to stay and he was staying at their house?
I really need a smack right now.....................
