Just Keep Livin' #3

[JKL2009]

Another weekend, another Monday of confusion for me. To sum it all up - how can a WAW be so friendly and pleasant and laugh with you and act like things are OK sometimes but be so sure when she tells close family and friends she is so happy to be making the decision to D and she is so glad they support her and it is years in the making?

Sat. we had a great day - spent all afternoon at a friend's block party (they don't know what is in the works) where we talked and laughed and had a great time. When we left the couple said we need to all go out again like we did (the week before WAW dropped the D bomb on me) and WAW said yes, great idea. WTF.

We got home and saw neighbors' sitting on their porch chillin' w/ wine and they asked us over. We hung out for a couple of hours, WAW laughing and enjoying things and reaching out and touching me on the arm a few times as we were telling stories. Went to bed and I said I had a nice time today and she said it was a "good day."

Sunday WAW and S went to kid's bday party while I went cycling. They got back in the afternoon, and we hung out on the deck and played in the little pool and enjoyed a great summer afternoon. We grilled some dinner and got to talking, where then WAW brought up some things about how I "never" did this or "never" did that and it was hard and whatever. It is so tough to hear the digs on me, the 6 years of this and that and hearing the script why we are getting the D, the twisting of the knife, and I want to argue and defend myself, even if what she brings up is 80% right I want to point out the 20% I can defend, but I largely just take it because what is the point?

This week we are meeting a realtor, getting advice on selling house. I know WAW wants to be out of the house within a month or two, though depends on selling it. I am torn these days wanting to be out from here as well, away from her on a daily basis and in my own space, but knowing that likely will just cause her to not see me and my improvements as much. I assume that once we are truly separated the likelihood of getting back together plummets.