Sorry that's what happens with lack of sleep - he talked said maybe he should move out at one point. I initiated the sex. After I blogged here, I got ready to leave and he was up. I just looked at him and said X, I'm sorry. He said you don't have anything to be sorry for!
WHY ARE YOU APOLOGIZING TO HIM???
Why are you pursuing him? (initiating ML is the ultimate form of pursuit)
You were doing so well, had him reeling, and had the power. He was wondering what you were up to, what you were thinking, and whether or not he screwed up. Now you've assured him that you're always there for him if he just pulls on your string a little, and you've given him all the power back.
Don't worry, it's all fixable, but you need to fix it NOW.
Had a nice weekend with the girls at the lake - until I got home.
I didn't call the H all weekend. He called when we were on our way home to let me know they'd be over at his sister's.
He was pleasant enough when they got home (I'd been on a cleaning spree). He threw me off and said he wanted to go to the lake next weekend. Now keep in mind - Friday is his birthday. He said you've been there 3 weekends in a row. Why are you surprised having I been going all along? I said I thought you'd want to spend your birthday with me.
PURSUING and SUPPLICATING.
Better: "OK, but (son) will be disappointed. When will you be back?"
M25, I have been trying to catch up on your stitch. Apparently I got off track when I was having that computer trouble and never got back, so I appologize for that.
M, I want to say something here.....woman to woman, okay? But, first I want you to realize that I am exactly like you when it comes to thinking that "discussing problems is the soloution". However, I have learned it isn't always the solution! So, with that said, let me tell you sweetheart, you simply are talking your H to death!! You talk waaaaaay too much. Did you not read about that in the DR book? Hey, I understand how hard it is! Really, I do. But, has it gotten you anywhere so far?
Another thing I see that you and I have in common is that you lay everything out about your H in the discussions....trying to make things workable. For example....in the C sessions when he felt you were almost attacking him.....then he gets offended and he can't see anything but the offense. So, you've once again cut off your nose to spite your face.
I just cannot express to you enough to back off with the R talk to him and "live" your life as best you can. Stop trying to analyze his every word & move. Stop obessing about him you every waking moment and think about you & the kids. Of course you make the most of the time you have together. But why would he look forward to being at home or getting a call from a woman he thinks will bang him over the head about all his faults. He never knows when you are going to have another "talk" with him. Honey, I've been there.....I know. My H even got to the place he's say, "This isn't going to be another one of those talks, is it?" You would have thought that would have shut me up, but did it? Of course not! So, I am trying to tell you in a nice way to learn before I did.....to shut up. That is not the solution to the problems.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I really haven't been talking to him about the relationship until he called while my son and I were on vacation and said he didn't want to be divorced that he wanted to work on things.
I guess I mistakenly thought that we should talk about things when I got home. One of his comments last night was - when were we going to have time to talk I was working until 7 or 8 pm every night!?
I'm just really disappointed because I thought we were moving in a positive direction. Believe me - there will be no relationship talk coming from my mouth!
I really haven't been talking to him about the relationship until he called while my son and I were on vacation and said he didn't want to be divorced that he wanted to work on things.
I guess I mistakenly thought that we should talk about things when I got home. One of his comments last night was - when were we going to have time to talk I was working until 7 or 8 pm every night!?
I'm just really disappointed because I thought we were moving in a positive direction. Believe me - there will be no relationship talk coming from my mouth!
I think you should go ahead and schedule a time, but let HIM do all the talking. "So, I'm listening." His definition of "working on things" may or may not be genuine, and even IF genuine, it may or may not be the things that YOU need in order to feel safe in the relationship now.
