Advice on DB-ing when sep spouse lives at home

[cat04]

Vent away. Did something happen or just the normal tunnel ride?

Yes the replay seems to have dwindled to about zero but I know it could flare up at any point. So I am waiting on pins and needles. To be honest I don't know which is easier, angry, nutty, H or depressed, mopey H. I don't really like either but during real replay at least he had energy to do stuff. But he is ok. I am ok, well better than ok. Replay made me want to bail a lot more than this does.

Was/is my H a spiritual person? I really don't know. I know that doesn't sound exactly appropriate for a 20 year marriage LOL but.... I have always been very spiritual, had much faith in the Lord, my visions, dreams, and knowings, believing that they come from God and the angels. I have trusted them to guide me through my life, steering me from evil, showing me what was coming (even when I didn't like it), and basically always being there. I have witnessed true miracles, and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that death is not the end, just a way for us to travel into another existence. That is a story that I simply cannot share here because I can be easily identified by it as everyone who knows me knows that story. So when H and I met at 17, I was already very convicted in my beliefs. I have strayed and ignored the messages at some points and that has led me astray in ways that I hate to think about now, but I learned from those experiences so there was good in them. I have not been a "bible thumper" but that is because I, and H too, have questioned the teachings of organized religions. Not because of a lack of faith, but because of a lack of faith in the humans running the churches. H has not had the same experiences that I have that have so rooted my faith. He does believe to an extent, but another difference is that I was raised in a family that attended Church and believed. He was raised by a mother who wants to have faith, but does not. His father thought it was not real. H had one grandmother who had great faith, although she was not really very involved in his life to influence him after about age 10. The grandparents that were involved, they had Bibles, but that was it. It was not something that was really addressed in his house. I do not like to judge anyone's walk but I think it was more of a belief because you are suppossed to versus a belief because you know it is real. I hope that makes sense.

So to answer your question, H believes in something. I know he believes that I believe. He has, over the years, developed a confidence in my dreams and visions, simply because too many of them have come true for him to ignore. I don't know if he believes they come from God and the Angels, but he believes they come from somewhere. He believes in spirits to a degree, but he has not had any personal experience. He has told me that he has talked to God during this but nothing changed with what he was asking for. Funny because I had been asking for the same thing with the same results at the time. It was a process we each had to go through (related to MIL). It is all in God's perfect time that things happen and it wasn't time for that at that point. For me, it has finally occured and I find that to be wonderful and very freeing. I don't think it has happened with H. I think it may be beginning to happen but I don't know. If he comes to the same conclusions that I have regarding it, it is depressing to a degree. And I can see how it would be much more so for H. So his walk is not my walk. It may become stronger. I pray for that simply because of the peace and strength that can come from it. I have walked from God because of circumstances and I know where it leads. If I had not turned around and walked back, I know I would be D now. I was weak and I would not have had the strength to endure all of this on my own. Now I know I can endure anything with Him.

I think you said your H was sprirtual and that has left him. Don't discount God. He can get through to them. It is just difficult sometimes. I think to find true faith, we all go through a period of questioning sometimes. I also think when all of the stuff from the past rears it's ugly head, it is hard to change it all quickly. Over the last several years, my H has so reminded me of how he was when we met. He has talked about wanting to go back to when things were simpler (we were teenagers then). There were times when I actually said I didn't want two children because he was behaving EXACTLY like our pre-teen (at the time) son. Unfortunately, it took me a long time to really figure out what I was looking at. And a longer period of researching MLC to really believe it. Funny, the other day, H actually asked S how old he is now. He didn't know and S couldn't believe it. But that is par for the MLC course. The fog is shifting around, I am hearing "I don't know" in answer to almost everything and I really think he doesn't know what answer he wants to give. It's ok. H will get through this, I will get through this, I hope we get through it intact but we will be ok no matter what the outcome.

You and your H will get through it as well. It takes so much time. Time, growing, periods of testing of everything. Remember the old saying "out with the old and in with the new", that is what it is. Sometimes it is just hard to see the forest through the trees.