Hi Dia! Welcome on board. Boy, you`ve both been through the wars. Sometimes I feel when both spouses are wounded they just get to the point of dragging each other down until one spouse staggers to their feet to see what the heck it`s all about.
Looks like you`re a long way down the line in that process.
I`m going to stop short of advising you though. I`m too much in the throes of trying to figure out my own chaos to tell someone else what to do.I will tell you what`s helping me but this isn`t a one size fits all job, as you`ve probably figured.
Have to say I found lovingly detaching from my H hugely helpful(though its a struggle when we`re both living together). The Last Resort Technique as described in Michelle`s books(Divorce Remedy and Divorce Busting) has been a great tool for helping me detach.
After a long hunt, I`ve found a great therapist who`s not letting me off the hook for all I`ve done to cause the chaos(and there was me blaming H all along).I see her weekly.She keeps me sane.
Be careful who you confide in. You really don`t want this blown up out there to the point that its irretrievable. You can expect your family to take your side and want to KILL your H, so that`s not going to be too helpful, and its nice to be able to have a light hearted evening with GFs without your sitch being up for discussion. I have one very trusted GF who`s fully supportive of my fight through the chaos.
See this as a journey of discovery for you of you.I`ve learnt so much about friendship, relationships, marriage, me and what I want from life. At the very least I know this is making me a better person. Even if I lose H I hope at least to have improved me and to have brought my relationship skills to a more evolved level.
