~ My story ~

[25yearsmlc]

Glad you got the books. They're key. Also I recommend The Five Love Languages, which is a little like Men are From Mars but talks about how each of us gives and receives love differently, regardless of gender.

Some folks LOVE gifts, getting or giving and for some, quality time together, or affection or acts of service, etc and so, if you give your love one way you might "expect" it to be given back the same way and you may have turned away from love that was coming to you, b/c you didn't see it as love. Same goes for him and for ALL of us.

I know many of us have turned away from love b/c it wasn't wrapped the way we thought it should be, so The Five Love Languages may cover a lot of good information for you as well.

Don't sweat the small stuff. You both will need to do a lot of forgiving and that means letting go of the past or you will NOT be able to stay married. Read that sentence again. You don't have the same scorecards and you will NEVER see your marriage and its' history exactly the same way...

So forget about that, and make the goal in reconciling, agreeing on today and what's next...for NOW, you have to work on you and the terms in the DB books like GAL (= getting a life) will mean a lot more to you once you have read teh books.

So, you now have a plan. Good luck!!

(( j ))

PS note my signature block--forgiveness doesn't mean what you or he did was okay. It just frees YOU so you can move forward. OTherwise you could both be consumed by your anger, both "lose" out, and take your kids down with you. So learn about forgivenss b/c I never saw it in my parent's marriage, and it is a learned skill. Seriously....not easy, but essential. No long term marriage makes it without some serious letting go of the past, which you won't totally agree on anyhow...

So read the books, GAL, and start focusing a lot on your kids b/c they must be really needing you now.
questions:
How old are they? What if anything have you told them? What does your h SAY he wants now, if anything? Has anyone seen a lawyer, to your knowledge? This info helps us help you...take care,
J-