I feel like I am operating in a vacuum

[beepee]

cville:

thanks for sharing your story and glad you had a great time celebrating your sons birthday!

i agree with you that weekends are the hardest. but the best thing to do it to make plans for those days so you dont have so much time to obsess. i was obsessing so much the past few weeks but this weekend, i went out and partied with friends and even tho i still thought about my H, it wasnt so strong. i was able to laugh and have a good time and even do some flirting! what do you like to do? schedule something for next week and make sure that you dont have the time to obsess!! i know how hard it is to have the motivation to even do it when you're depressed (oh beeelieve me, i know) but you just have to do it.

our backgrounds are similar. i believe i was depressed my entire life as well and got it from my mom who is severely depressed, and ive never been diagnosed until a year ago. i was pessimistic too over the past few years but ive been through a stage in my life where i was really really happy with myself and with life and im determined to get that feeling back. my H left me because of my depression as well and that drove me into suicidal mode and was hospitalized for a week.

i did all the same things you did to ruin my M. i was always sad, overly critical, took everything out on him and smothered him with all my problems instead of seeking help elsewhere. i, too, was wrapped up in my own little world and i was the only one that mattered, i didnt care about how he felt, i didnt care about his emotional well-being and its only now that i realize how horribly i treated him and how i took him for granted.

when you talk about difficulty detaching, i feel the same way. i think our depression makes it a lot harder to detach. but we have to change that. the meds you are taking should be helping you to feel a bit better, counseling is great too. your wife isnt contacting you just like my H wasnt contacting me and i thought it was the worst thing in the world. but you have to let that go for now and focus on your mental health before you can even begin to work on your M. thats something im only beginning to learn and accept. you are more important than anything and if you're not feeling well mentally and arent happy with yourself, there is no way that you can make the M work. sorry if im being too blunt, i didnt want to believe any of this either but i know its the only way to move on and be successful in the end.

everything youre saying in your post mirrors my sitch. ive been reading books but sometimes i get discouraged and feel any sort of progress is slow, i want things to be fixed right away, i find it extremely difficult to "do" anything, and i have to lie down in bed more often than you do to be able to get on with my day!! and i dont sleep either, my body feels so worn that i need so much time lying down in order to re-energize and get back up. and the hardest part is forcing myself to get out of bed but i know i have to do it.

i envy people who arent depressed too. i wish i didnt feel this way either, no one wants to feel this way but you accept it and feel the pain and then you do something about it no matter how hard it is. i know you feel like happiness is unattainable right now, but it is!! trust me! if you felt happy before like you said you did, you can certainly feel it again!

and please, for your own sake, dont ever say you're screwed up. because you're not. being depressed doesnt make you screwed up. you have to accept that you have depression, and do something about it. YOU CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. it takes a lot of time and energy but i believe in you and i believe in myself. we are both going through a difficult time battling depression and trying to salvage our marriages but i feel grateful that you are here and now i wont feel so alone. i hope i can be of help to you while you make your way back to a happy life!

sorry for the long post! it WILL get easier. and remember, schedule something to do next weekend!! no obsessing! i dont want to do anything either but im going to force myself to go to the cape with friends. I'm sure you will feel better once you're out of the house and doing something fun!!