WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[Tomato]

while i have been to a fair # of places (on the East Coast)...i don't believe New Paltz is among them.

[confusedinpa]

A very confusing day with my wife today.

It started this morning where my boys were really upset when I told them that their mom was taking them to her apt today. My 3 year old was really mad as he wanted to do mulch.

When my wife showed up, my 3 year old ran up to her and asked if he could stay to do mulch with me. She said that was ok if I was ok with it. I told her sure, I could always use the help.

She asked if I wanted her to help. I said if she didn't have anything planned today and only if she wanted to. She clearly wasn't dressed to do mulch/yard work (she was wearing a very nice pink t-shirt with a very low neck line and was wearing my favorice perfume). She said that she remembers us talking about doing mulch together on Sunday but she said that I never said anymore about it during the week. I just told her last week that I had said that I was getting mulch on doing it on Sunday. She said "Well, you say a lot of things". I didn't let her try to pick a fight with me and just said nothing.

She said that she didn't have anything planned but was really hungry so her only plans so far was to eat breakfast with the boys. I told her that I haven't eaten breakfast either so could go grab breakfast first. She was leaning against the island while we were talking across the island so I got a really nice clevage view. She noticed that I had noticed and just smiled.

While the boys were getting dressed, I was sitting at the kitchen table. My wife and I kept chit chatting and I invited her to sit on my lap (she seemed to be playful this morning). So she wound up straddling me as we talked and she hugged me lightly. We kissed a couple of times as she snuggled against me.

We went out to breakfast and when we got back home, she noticed she was starting to get a itch/allergic reaction. She layed in my bedroom with ice on it while I went out to get some cream for her. I got back home with the stuff and she was still laying in bed resting. I climbed on bed and rubbed her back lightly to wake her up. Without turning this post into a penthouse forum, I wound up unhooking her bra when I was rubbing her back. I joked that her boobs were going to get flattened out if she kept laying on them like that. She rolled onto her back and we kissed and then I said maybe I should blow them back up. We kept kissing and then I lifted her shirt and kissed her nipples to "blow them back up". I made a move for her shorts, but she just held my hand. I took that as a sign that I shouldn't press anything.

She wound up changing into some of my clothes to work out in the yard. The four of us spent the entire day together. While we worked, she called me hun and sweatheart a few times. When we walked by each other, we kissed lightly a couple of times. It was odd as it seemed like things were like it was pre-bomb.

We took a break and grilled hotdogs for lunch and she and I had a couple of beers. We finished up the mulch and she went in to shower up as I put all the tools away. The four of us went out to dinner (we had to stop by her apt as she had to pick up new underwear as her's were soaked with sweat). We had a very nice dinner and then she said that the boys could stay at home with me. That way they wouldn't have to get up early the next morning (I thought it was because she didn't want to deal with putting them to bed tonite nor getting them ready the next morning, but didn't say anything).

We dropped her off at her apt (the boys asked to bring some toys back from her apt to our home). She gave the boys hugs and kisses and just said goodbye to me. I was disappointed I didn't get a hug and kiss, but just gave her my best smile and said have a good nite.

A very odd day with my wife. It was a great day as I fully expected to just be doing mulch by myself, but was glad to have the boys and her helping.

I'm taking it one day at a time.....

[antlers]

Hey CIPA, sounds like you are doing good, man! Keep up the good work!

[confusedinpa]

Just more journaling. Not much from the wife today. Just a couple of text messages on some tactical stuff on the boys.

The boys and I finished the mulch today. They had slept in till 9AM (normally they get up around 6:30), so I guess all the work yesterday took a lot out of them. We didn't get to started with the mulch till 10 AM and finished around 2:30 PM. We grabed a quick lunch and came home to play with the water stuff in the backyard. My 3 year old missed his nap but he seemed fine.

My wife showed up around 5PM to pick up the boys. They were excited to show her all the work we did in the yard. I got the boys changed out of their swimming stuff so they could go with my wife.

She seemed a little stand off-ish today. I expected as much as whenever we get close, we have a few days of "arms length". We talked about her day in her new department. She said she was really tired today.

I went out for dinner with one of my buddies. My boys called me when we were have a few beers, and my wife asked me to be quick with the good nite stuff as my 3 year old was really acting up.

Afterwards, she sent me a text asking if my 3 year old missed his nap. I didn't answer it.

I had a good dinner and beer with my buddy.

I had planned on doing my pre-employment screening tomorrow at lunch so I had gotten my wife's mom to watch the boys. I took care of it tonite since my wife picked up the boys early. So I text one of my friends to grab lunch together instead. Figure it may be a while before I had lunch with her (she is the one who is 16+ weeks pregnant and her grandmother has cancer).

I had thought about trying to have lunch with the WAW from my old job, but thought it may be weird since we had never had lunch together before (she had worked for me).

So goes another day - less than a week before I start my new job.....

[MrBond]

Okay, I said it before and I'll say it again. Your W is weird.

You really have to detach your emotions and your hard on. There's your 2x4. I understand, really I do, but you really haven't even started DB'ing. You've been hanging on to her so much that once she shows a little positive signs, you jump all over it.

I totally get it. I was the same way. But your W has not changed one bit and hasn't even adjusted her POV.

Hope this week turns out better.

[MrBond]

Hey guy, how are things going?

[confusedinpa]

Stuck,

Things haven't been going well since Sunday.

On Tues AM, when she dropped off the boys, the first question she asked was if the 3 year old had gotten a nap. She was really annoyed that he had missed it and she said she didn't appreciate it. I told her that we didn't get done with the mulch until 2:30 on Monday and by the time we at lunch and got back home it was almost 4:00 PM. He seemed fine so he missed his nap (normally when he is tired or ready for his nap, he says he's going to bed now).

She was really stressed about her new job assignment at work. I tried to be supportive and listen.

Her mom showed up to watch the boys and I went out to lunch with my friend. She was doing better with her pregnancy and should find out what it is in the next couple of weeks, but her grandmother was not doing well with her cancer.

We talked about my situation and job a bit. It was a good lunch.

I got back home and the boys and I did some light stuff until I had to make dinner. I made enough in case my wife joined us for dinner (she did). It was a good dinner until my mom called her on her cell phone. Unfortunately, we had to leave for the soccer game so she said she would call her back in 10 minutes.

While I was coaching the soccer game, I could see my wife talking on the phone and getting agitated. I tried to make lit chit chat with her during the breaks to see how she was but I could see she was mad and didn't want to talk. After the game ended, as we drove back home (we rode together), my 3 year old asked if he could go home with me. My wife said that was ok if I was ok with it. I said sure.

Then my 7 year old really surprised me when he said he wanted to go back to her apt (I think it's because he hadn't spent much time with her in a while, they are really "connected"). My wife said that was fine as well, so, much to my surprise and against what I would have preferred, we split the boys up on Tues nite.

I had a good Tues nite with my 3 year old as we just hung out after the soccer game and played and "talked".

My 7 year old called me later that nite to talk to me (surprising). He sounded sad but he didn't really say as my wife was right next time.

I was tempted to call my wife to see what my mom said to her, but I called my mom to ask what she said. My mom started by saying that she didn't call, but when I told her that I was sitting next to my wife when her phone rang, she realized she was caught in a lie and fessed up. I told her not to call her as it is not helping. I was really mad.

I thought my wife would call to talk about it, but she didn't.

On Weds AM, my wife dropped off my 7 year old but she was running late to work so we didn't talk. She was agitated that my 3 year old didn't want to give her a hug or kiss goodbye. That was the last I heard from my wife.

I had a great Weds with my boys. We went to the driving range in the morning and then watched a local baseball game while we ate Pizza for dinner. It was a really good time.

Today, I took the boys fishing with one of my buddies. They have been asking for a while, so I finally got it set up. I was nervous that they wouldn't catch anything, but within 30 seconds my 3 year old had his line in, he caught a fish! My 7 year old was anxious/upset as I was still setting up his rod. He didn't catch anything for about 20 minutes and it looked like he was getting really frustrated when he caught one.

Then they really seem to start biting (they were just sunnies so it watch catch and release). We caught about 15-20 and then moved to another spot where my 7 year old's line was on fire - catching one almost every couple of minutes. My 3 year old did well too. I think over all we must have caught over 50 fish (although some of them may have been the same one multiple times).

They both loved it!

I treated my buddy to lunch for supplying the worms and his expertise. We had a couple of pitchers of beer and I let the boys have some beer as well (root beer).

My 3 year old then requested fish for dinner so we stopped at the store and picked some up. After we ate dinner, we went to the soccer game.

It was a little sad for me as my wife didn't show up and I oould see the boys looked disappointed. Plus I knew that I was going to miss the next game as I will only be able to coach Thurs games for the rest of the season (they play Tues and Thurs).

We were short players so I let my 3 year old play (he has a uniform) for a bit before the other team's coach said something. I was annoyed but didn't feel like arguing. I think it got my team annoyed as well as they do like my 3 year old.

We wound up shutting them out till the last 2 minutes of the game. My team was really tired as we didn't have any subs and at one point played 1 player short (it's 4 on 4) when one of our guys got hurt. Even though they scored 2 quick goals at the end of the game, we still won 4-2.

After we got home and was getting ready for bed, I asked if the boys wanted to tell my wife about their day. We called her cell phone, but she didn't answer. Both of my boys looked really sad and disappointed. I just told them to each say goodnite mommy when it went to voice mail.

She never called back.

Very upsetting for the boys and for me......

I really want to take them with me when I start my new job, but I know that will be a real legal battle. This is really crappy. They are going to be with their mom who says that she really wants them and loves them, but she pulls crap like this.

I just don't get it......

[PMA_Baby!]

It's Groundhog Day!!!

Why are you ignoring everyone's advice about detaching?

Let me guess. Because you love your W and want your family back. Yeah! We got it! Believe me. We all get it. But what your doing is not working. Everytime you call or try to invite her is just MORE PRESSURE. Take the job and move and watch her start chasing YOU after a couple weeks.

jeesh!!! Some people are so stubborn. Right Kev ???

PMA

[confusedinpa]

PMA

I wasn't upset for me but more of how upset my boys were. Especially since the were both so excited about their day and wanted to tell my wife

I am starting the new job on Mon. I already told my boys of how they will be with mommy Sun nite till I see them on Thurs evening. They were both a little humming, as was I, but they seem to understand. My 7 year old said he was said but was also glad I has found a job

I am concerned how my wife didn't return my boys' call. I don't understand how she says it's important for the boys to feel that they can talk to either parent any time. Yet she doesn't answer nor return their call. I don't talk on the phone with her when the boys call her. I do see how hurt/disappointed they are when she doesn't answer nor call back by the time they to I bed. I even let them stay up 30 minutes past their bed time in case she calls. But she usually doesn't.

I pretty much stopped asking the boys if they want to call and will call if they ask.

That's why it's pretty crappy

I am trying to move forward with my life with my new job and my closer relationship I have with my boys, friends and family.

I still get upset with/about my wife but don't let it drag me down constantly. It hits me for a few minutes here and there but I'm generally ok

Thanks for caring enough to keep pushing me in the right direction

[MrBond]

Sorry to hear about all that.

I think what you need to do is talk to your W about your kids. Especially if they are going to be staying with her. In her state of mind, don't be surprised if she starts twisting things around and make you seem like the bad guy.

Tell her that her action of not responding back to the kids are hurting them. And just tell her how THEY feel. Do not include you in any of it. If she starts going back to talking about you, go back and guide back to talking about the boys. Draw that boundary for the kids.

Take care.