We have two kids- our son is 18 and leaving for college next month, our daughter is 16 and going into 11th grade. H said last night that he had really hoped that we could work this out, or failing that, make it long enough until the kids are out of the house. I'm not sure I want to wait two more years.
H hasn't removed our profile from the swinger's websites- I think he's waiting to see if i change my mind. (he also has a single male profile on those sites also). I've been pushing my boundary gradually rather than cutting it off cold-turkey. I don't know why I am so hesitant to be forceful, - no, yes I do, FEAR... Fear of him lashing out, fear of him leaving, fear of him agreeing to stop and hating me... I'm trying to get over that- that's why I've been going to the IC.
H is upset that I "haven't taken his concerns seriously" about my "insecurities and self-esteem issues." Yes, I'm a shy, quiet person- nothing wrong with that since I live productive life. But that is not a sufficient reason to start "Social Anxiety" meds. I was Paxil before for general anxiety when H threatened divorce several years ago. He claims that I was "more willing to try new things" when i was on it (i.e., swinging). Actually, it was the desperation, not the meds.
It feels like he can't see that not everything that is wrong with our marriage is NOT my fault. I've tried telling him, but it keeps getting reflected back on me. I don't know how to get through to him- it's the same discussion over and over.
