Not much to update. didn't hear from W yesterday. Got off work last night and went out with some friends. I got a little intoxicated, lol. at 4am W calls. i was at home at this point and answered for some unknown reason. I prolly did sound a little agitated, i know i shouldn't have answered but it happened and my judgement was impaired.
Anyways, W asked why i was grouchy or something, and i said i'm not. she then said she'd talk to me later and hung up. i texted her back really? why did you even call?
W: Cause i wanted to talk to you but you're pissed off at something. Whatever. i'm going to bed. Night.
M: I'm not. if that's how you want to be thats fine tho.
W: That's not it baby. I'm going to go to bed though. i'm sorry. i'll call you tomorrow.
that's it.
then today, W texts me.
W: Sorry i didn't call you back last nite.
no response
Then later txts again.
W. You mad at me?
One hour later i text, "No, there's nothing wrong."
that was like 4 or 5 hours ago.
i'm trying to maintain a little contact with her so it doesn't fall apart on me like last week. but where's the middle ground? is there a middle ground? idk, i've had a long week and am just trying to enjoy my sunday.
i have been doing a bit of thinking about what everyone here has said about not trusting my emotions and such. you're all prolly right, however, i still find myself so angry at her, even when the thought of her pops into my mind. that may be what came through in my voice last nite when she called, idk. i'm just tired of this whole ordeal.
i have been trying hard to remain "neutral" to her visit on wednesday. it is just for me to see how i feel, regardless of what she might think it is or want it to be. maybe it's time to forgive her for all of this and move on from it. maybe then i can be more open to my feelings when she does show up.
