Setting and maintaining your own healthy boundaries is not selfish. If the swinger lifestyle is not for you, that's a decision YOU get to make. I don't see anywhere in your post that you told him to drop swinging or you were leaving, but ultimately, that decision is yours to make, too - or his if that's how he decides to deal with you not swinging. I'm new here myself, so possibly I'm talking out of turn, but from what I've read so far, I don't think every person who leaves a marriage is a WAS.
I'm not sure yet if I am or not. I mean, what - I was supposed to stay when certain of H's behaviors were putting our son at risk for physical harm, or when he invited the OW for a weekend romp *at our house, in our bed*?
Ok, I suppose I could have met her at the door and sent her packing but I wasn't strong enough at the time to do that. Don't see how that makes me selfish and not sure I see how what you've described makes you selfish either.
That being said, there *are* ways that I was selfish or inconsiderate in my marriage and I have to deal with the consequences of those things - but I'm not sure leaving was one of them.
Hang in there!
Dia
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
