Do you want to save this marriage? Is it worth saving? Do you love him?
I have come up with a rule for me....I got from someone else, but it's excellent I think: Do NOT do anything as you are trying to save your marriage that you are NOT willing to do forever.....
That was the rule that helped me set some boundaries and made me more comfortable with other things....for example....do I do H's laundry or do I let him do it himself? Do I help H out during his weekends with S? Do I ML to H? I was able to answer yes to all of the above because I am more than happy to do those things for the rest of my life.
If my H wanted me to make dinner EVERY night, I would have to say no, because realistically, I can't do it every night. I have things I want to do, like yoga, tennis, dinner with friends, etc. (H doesn't ask me to do that anyways, just an example.
And yes, they are selfish, the WAS. But it's something you have to wait out....sort of like we expect our children to grow out of certain habits, adults can grow up to.
